


Kenny McCormick's Fancy New Vagina

by NyxRedfoxWinchester



Category: South Park
Genre: Accidental Confession of Love, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Ass Craig, Bebe is a mean girl, Because I fucking love Crenny, But mostly Crenny, Can you believe it!, Come Swallowing, Confused!Stan, Craig Tucker Being An Asshole, Craig Tucker doesn't have time for Kenny's shit, Craig Tucker is always an asshole, Craig Tucker is still a smol bean even if he is an asshole, CraigxKenny, Crenny, DamnitKenny, Everyone loves Kenny, F/M, Finally a straight SP Fanfiction ;), First Time, Fucking, GAAYYYYY, Gen, Genderfluid Kenny McCormick, Heterosexual Sex, Hot as Fuck Craig, Jealous Craig, Jealous Kenny, Karaoke, Kendra McCormick - Freeform, Kenny + South Park Girls BroTP, Kenny McCormick is a sass master, Kenny McCormick is a whore, Kenny McCormick's fancy new vagina, Kenny as also fucked every single one of them, Kenny is a beautiful woman and it went to his head, Kenny is a chick?, Kenny is better friends with the girls than he is with the guys, Kisses, Knight in Shining Armor!Craig, M/M, Mentions of Stendy - Freeform, Mostly Kenny POV, Oral Sex, Secret love, Sex, Singer!Craig, Singer!Kenny, Smoker!Craig, Some Stenny, Some other Kenny Pairings, Style if you squint, Teasing, There is a Craig POV chapter now, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tough Craig, Wendy is a mean girl too, Which happen to be the best kind, can't think of other tags, does this count as a straight fan fic?, fem!kenny, hehehehehehe, just general sexing, mentions of Creek, my gay boys, no actual rape, notsorry, probably not, riding dick, sorry - Freeform, south park high, style, they are adorable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2018-10-05 02:01:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10294964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxRedfoxWinchester/pseuds/NyxRedfoxWinchester
Summary: Kenny McCormick died. Again. But this time when he woke up there was innie where there used to be a long hard outie. Follow Kendra McCormick as (s)he realized the drawbacks and the advantages of being a chick.





	1. Kenny to Kendra

Kenny was used to dying. He has been since he was 10, but every single time he was about to die he was scared that it was his last time. He was scared would never see his friends anymore or, more importantly be able to be there for his sister. Scared that he would be alone in either heaven, hell, or limbo (it always varied) for eternity. But he always came back, good as new, with all his friend’s memories erased.

His death today was no different than normal. He was shot in the heart by a robber at the gas station. He went in with Cartman and Stan to get snacks before going to Clyde’s house for a huge party. The robber pulled his gun and pointed it at Cartman who wouldn’t shut his mouth about the robber being too chicken to use the gun on anyone. The robber told the fatass to shut his mouth otherwise he would shoot him. Cartman, the man who never learned to have a filter, told him he was too much of a pussy. So, of course, when the gun went off Kenny pushed the Fatass out of the way. The bullet pierced Kenny’s heart, ripping and tearing his muscles. Kenny howled in pain. Tears came to his eyes and he put a brown gloved hand over his wound. He fell to his knees, feeling his life leaving his body. He barely heard Stan drop to the ground to catch him before his head hit the ground.

“Oh, my god! Kenny?! Can you hear me?? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Cartman! Call the cops damn it!” Stan was crying holding Kenny’s hand on his wound, trying to keep him from bleeding out. Kenny tried to smile to reassure his friend, but he found it really hard.

“Damn it Kinney.” Cartman’s deep voice rumbled, “I am so sorry.”

Kenny knew, from past deaths, that that was all Cartman was going to say on the subject. Cartman would give his statement when the paramedics came, then leave. He would go home and cry about putting his friend in harm’s way.

“Kenny! Hey! Hey! Ken! Keep listening to my voice, you are going to be ok, don’t even worry. The wound looks shallow.” Stan tried to reassure Kenny.

Kenny knew how it would go with Stan too. Stan would go into quarterback mode, telling people where to go and what to do, and then reassure Kenny that everything was going to be ok. As soon as Kenny’s body lay lifeless in Stan’s arms he would sob and not let anyone touch the body until someone wrenched him away. That night, Stan would drink until he blacked out, thinking he failed his friend.

Kenny felt awful watching his friends deal with his multiple deaths, he wishes he could somehow explain to them, so they wouldn’t be so down. But it was the only type of mourning he ever got, 3 hours after he died. After those 3 hours, everyone would forget and assume Kenny was just AWOL.

Kenny’s soul slipped out of his body, now he was watching Stan cling to his lifeless body, whispering something in his ear. Something that Kenny never knew was what Stan would whisper in his ear after he died.

This time Kenny was in limbo, stuck as a ghost to wander the earth. Kenny thought this was the most fun option. He would creep on his friends and see what they would do when they thought no one was watching, but tonight he thought he would just go mess with his parents.

Since this wasn’t Kenny’s first rodeo with being in limbo he knew the tricks. He knew how to ‘haunt’ someone or something, how to move objects and how to let others know your presence.

He went to his house and hid all of the pot and liquor in his room, in a hidden compartment with his Mysterion costume. If his parents didn’t have any booze or drugs they become better parents for Karen. Hiding them and then selling them to his high school friends was the easiest way to make some extra cash to keep Karen fed and clothed. He hid the stuff and then ‘rested’ on his bed. He had to wait for his mom to give birth to his new body.

His mom would give birth and swaddle her newborn in his orange parka that Kenny also decided was magical. It grew with him and always ended up at home so his parents would have it for him when he was reborn.

He waited for his parents to get home and when they did, at like 4 AM, his mother was already in labor. Kenny didn’t really like watching his own birth, for reasons like not wanting to see your own mother’s cootch stretch so far she could push a watermelon out. But as soon as Baby Kenny took a breath, Kenny’s soul was stuffed back into its container.

Kenny heard a scream, which was usual since, you know, **_birthing_**. But this one was different because it came from his father.

“What the fuck is this?” Kenny heard his father yell, but couldn’t find out what it was in time. He was wooshed back into his baby self.

But something felt off.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kenny woke up in the morning at around 7. He was exhausted. He remembered everything that’d happened last night. He instinctively moved his hand over his wound that was no longer there. But something else was. Something Kenny was very familiar with, but just not on himself. A boob?

He looked down at his naked body, two huge boobs lolled off his chest.

Kenny screamed, his voice coming out very high. He ran to his cracked full-length mirror. Other than the titties and innie where he used to have a long hard outie, the first thing he noticed was his dirty blonde hair was down to his slim waist. Also, he was a hell of a lot shorter. He used to be one of the tallest in his class about 6’3’’, second only to Craig Tucker’s 6’4”. He was about 5’8”, tops. At least double D boobies and an amazing figure. He had to admit, he was smoking hot. Having a woman’s facial features made his sky-blue eyes bigger and shinier, and his freckles were dainty instead of blotchy. He was curvy in all the right places, a firm round ass and thin waist.

Kenny shook himself out of admiring himself, and began to panic again.

He was a chick. A god’s honest woman.

He sat down on his bed, trying to focus. Until, of course, his mother yells at him.

“KEN! Git out here an’ git to school! You need to walk Karen to ‘er bus stop!”

Fuck that’s right. He pulled over his parka and pulled up his boxers, which fell right off his waist.

Fuck. Kenny tucked his long hair into his hood and cinched it tight. He wrapped a towel around his waist and scurried into his parents room. He felt so gross using his mom’s underwear so he didn’t touch it, he did take a bra though. Since they were so poor, she only had two, the one she was wearing and one pink and white lace. Kenny snatched that and a belt that would at least keep his too big pants up.

He ran back into the room and ripped his parka off and put the bra on. And fucking hell it was uncomfortable. Wires and straps dug into his skin in the most inconvenient locations. Plus, he was sure it made his tits bigger, and he could barely conceal them as they were. But, he had to admit, they looked damn good. He would be all over these titties if he was himself.

It was a weird feeling to be able to close his legs without his boys there and wearing pants that were too big only made that feeling worse. Kenny pulled on his jeans and cinched them as best he could with the belt. He grabbed his white shirt and pulled it over his humongous boobies and realized he could see the bra through it.

Ugh, he thought to himself, girls can’t wear white because of bras? That’s fucked up.

He took off the white shirt and replaced it with a black one, only to see that you could still see the bra, since the shirt was so tight across them.

It must suck finding clothes that keep these suckers hidden.

Just then, his door creaked open.

“Kenny?” his mom poked her head in, “how are you?”

“WHOA!” Kenny plastered himself in his closet, “Knock much?”

“Kenny, I know what’s wrong. I went through my old clothes from when I was your age and found a few things. They might be a lil’ small and kinda,” She paused for a moment, “…slutty, but they’ll do for now. I called yur school to tell them that you and yur cousin Kendra are going to be switching schools for a while.”

Kenny peaked out from his closet, confused, “I don’t have any cousins named Kendra.”

“Yah do now. Here are the clothes. Now hurry up and git ready. I told Karen about cousin Kendra too. She ain’t expecting you.” His mom shut the door.

Kenny crept out of the closet and saw the pile of clothes his mom left for him. There was a black skirt that looked really small, and a pair of tall black boots. He slipped them on along with a new pair of underwear, they still had the tag on them so he wasn’t worried. It was a thong though, and it rode right up his ass crack. The boots fit and made his legs look amazing, and the skirt was definitely not in compliance with the dress code. If he bent over too far he would flash everyone his ass. The skirt was sewn oddly and had multiple folds that hung that way. It reminded him of school girl skirts he would see when he watched porn, and that one time with Bebe. Kenny became excited as he saw the shirt his mother left for him, it looked like a regular maroon long sleeve shirt. But boy was he wrong, the shirt stopped right under his tits, leaving his stomach almost completely exposed. It was also really deep, it showed a lot of cleavage. Kenny thought a shirt like that was silly, like here are my tits and stomach but thank God, my arms are covered.

He looked in the mirror, he had to admit he looked hot. Definitely hotter than any girl at South Park high. He had to wonder why his mom had clothes this slutty, but didn’t want to dwell on it too much.

Kenny decided he was going to have some fun with this situation, it’s not like he gets to switch genders every day. He ruffled his hair and grabbed his backpack and walked out of his room.

 

“Hello Kendra!” Kenny’s mother looked at him and winked, “This is yur little cousin Karen.”

Karen had a strong hold of his mother’s leg, and peaked out from behind it.

“Say hello Karen.” their mother said roughly.

“Hello.” Karen barely whispered.

“Hiya!” Kenny smiled, “My name is Kendra and I can’t wait to get to know you better!” he giggled at the end, trying to mimic how the girls at school acted.

Apparently, that was good because Karen let go of their mom’s leg and began talking to Kenny. He grabbed her hand and walked he to her bus stop, when they got there, he said his goodbyes and left for his bus stop.


	2. No One Has Bigger Titties Than Cartman.

Kenny always thought it sucked that 4 seniors in high school still needed to take the bus. The damned high school parking lot was too small for any cars except faculty. He meandered to his bus stop, feeling lucky that he switched genders in September when it wasn’t too cold. When his bus stop was in sight, he got a little nervous. What if they figured it out? What if they didn’t like him? Kenny fought off his fears and stood up straighter, realizing that this action only made his tits stick out farther.

“Hello!” Kenny chirped, again amazed by his voice. It was so feminine.

Cartman, Stan, and Kyle looked over at him. Their reactions were basically the same, their jaws dropped. Kenny knew his boobs were basically falling out of his crop top and that his skirt was just long enough to cover his ass, and he also knew that his friends were enjoying the view so he hammed it up by ‘dropping’ his bag. He bent at the knees like he’d seen strippers do and then rolled his body when he stood up.  He strutted up to Cartman who was closest to him.

“You must be Eric.” Kenny walked right next to his fat friend and trailed a finger down his arm.

“How do you know my name?” Cartman looked at Kenny, his eyes wouldn’t move from his tits.  Kenny rolled his eyes at Cartman’s blatant staring and walked behind him to Kyle.

“And you! You must be Kyle.” Kenny whispered his lips centimeters from Kyle’s ear and watched the goosebumps rise from his neck. Kyle gulped and nodded, not speaking. Kenny had always thought that Kyle had really grown into his looks as he got older, his red hair had tamed and he put on some muscle.

Kenny moved from Kyle to Stan, who had is arms crossed. He winked at Stan and then moved his arms. Stan was stunned by ‘Kendra’s’ forwardness so Kenny took is opportunity and put both of his hands flat on Stan’s shoulders and tits pressed up against him. ‘Kendra’ stood on her tiptoes and became level with Stan’s nose, she looked up and met his eyes.

“And this must be the Star Quarterback of the South Park Cows, Stan Marsh.” She purred.

Stan looked like he was trying his best to not get a boner, “uh, yeah, that’s me. Uh, who are you?”

“Me? Oh, I am Kenny’s cousin, Kendra.” Kenny giggled.

All three of the boys let out a collective breath that they’d been holding in. They probably thought she was some random hooker at first.

“Oh! Kenny’s cousin. That explains why you know who we are. Where is Ken?” Stan said, Kenny still not moving from Stan’s arms and Stan not making any effort to move.

“Kenny never mentioned a cousin was coming,” Kyle said suspiciously.

 _‘Yeah, well, I don’t tell you everything Kyle’_ Kenny sneered back in his head.  

“Yeah, it makes sense because she is a whore too. It must run in the family.” Cartman snorted.

“Cartman!” Stan and Kyle both yelled at the fat boy for calling ‘Kendra’ a whore. Stan put a protective hand on Kendra's waist.

Kendra giggled, “Oh you guys, you are all so much cuter than Kenny made you out to be. Maybe we can hang out one day.”

“Uh yeah sure,” Stan said blushing madly now with one hand on Kendra’s waist.

“Of course!” Kyle said smiling his award-winning smile.  

“Depends,” Cartman said.

Kendra slipped out of Stan’s arms to stand defiantly in front of Cartman.

“Depends on what?” Kenny kept his voice sultry.

“Depends on whether you are willing to put out or not.”

“Oh Cartman, honey, you really think I would put out for you?” Kenny playfully tapped Cartman’s nose, “My cousin told me all about you being an anti-semitic misogynist. I have enough respect for myself not to fuck you. But if you’re lucky you might get a pity blow” Kenny paired that with a wink.

Kenny thought it was amazing screwing with his friends like this, hell he’d lose his ‘virginity’ to one of them. He has been openly pansexual since Freshman year, he doesn’t care who he fucks.

“EY! You whore! Just because you are my best friend’s cousin doesn’t mean you get to be calling me names and shit!”

“Oh yeah, fatass?! How am I the whore when you have the biggest tits here?”

Kyle and Stan started laughing.

“Holy shit dude! You remind me so much of your cousin! He has the same temperament and calls the Fatass on his shit.” Stan said laughing so hard he was crying a bit.

“Hopefully I don’t remind you too much of my cousin.” Kenny winked at Stan and giggled. Stan blushed again at the innuendo.

Kenny shivered. The wind picked up and blew his skirt around in the wind, Kenny was pretty sure that each boy got a good look at his ass, and his pretty new underwear, but luckily Stan saw and was Kenny’s knight in shining armor by giving him his letterman jacket. It was still warm when Kenny put it on.

Kenny kept up the banter with Cartman until Stan and Kyle were busting a gut on the sidewalk. The bus pulled up a little later and was mostly filled with freshman and sophomores. Kyle made room for Kenny next to him and Stan sat across the aisle.

“So, Kendra, why did you and Kenny switch places? When is he going to be back? He never told us about leaving.” Kyle asked, politely making conversation while trying not to stare blatantly at Kenny bazongas.

Kenny smiled nervously, he hadn’t prepared a backstory, “Well it has been in the works for a while now. My parents, uh, wanted Ken to go stay with him in, uh, Minnesota to look at some, uh, colleges there. They thought it would be better to just transfer us for now so we didn’t miss any school.”

Kyle looked at him a little funny, Kenny knew that if anyone was going to figure out what was going on it’d be Kyle. He was one smart cookie.

It was about 15 minutes to school and when they got there Kenny was ready to make an entrance. He waited to be the last one off the bus. Stan went just before him and his hand to help Kenny off the bus. What a gentleman.

The first thing Kenny saw at school was the reactions of the rest of the football team who were all waiting for Stan and Cartman (but mostly just Stan). Kenny never knew what they did every morning that made almost the entire team wait for their captain but he always assumed it had something to do with trying to get the world record of “the World’s Biggest Circle Jerk”. When Kenny stepped off the bus every boy’s eyes bugged out of their head, people in South Park were just not used to new people, let alone new smoking hot teenage girls.

Stan led Kenny over to the team, “Kendra this is the football team! Guys, this is Kendra McCormick, Ken’s cousin. Don’t try anything because if Ken finds out anyone here violated his cousin you know you are going to die.”

The team laughed nervously, knowing it was true. Kenny enjoyed the fact that even the football team was wary of Kenny’s wrath, not that Kenny, er, Kendra couldn’t take care of herself. She had all the same moves Kenny did, just in a girl’s body.

Kendra giggled, “Hi boys!”

Clyde and Token were in the front of the mob and looked at her.

“Kenny’s cousin? I didn’t know Kenny had a cousin.” Token said doubtfully.

 On the other hand, Clyde smiled ear to ear and said, “Welcome to South Park Kendra! I just know you and my girlfriend will get along! Have you met anyone else other than our Cap-ee-tahn here? I could take you around if you want!”

Stan sort of shoved Clyde in a playful way, but Kenny also sensed a sort of possessiveness in it as well, “Yeh, apparently, Kenny told her about Kyle, Cartman and I so she met us at the bus stop.”

“Cool! Oh, there is Bebe now!” Clyde started to wave his girlfriend over, “Bebe! Babe! Over here I want you to meet someone!”

Kenny turned his head and saw Bebe and Wendy walking toward him. Then suddenly, he felt his stomach drop. Their faces looked cheery but he sensed hostility from them.

‘Since when are Wendy and Bebe giving off vibes like that?’, Kenny thought to himself, he chose to ignore it and smiled big for the two girls.

“Bebe, Wendy, this is Kendra. Kendra this is my girlfriend Bebe and her best friend Wendy.” Clyde introduced. Kenny felt the vibe get stronger. Shit, why were they angry at him? They didn’t even know him.

Both girls smiled wide, but from Kenny’s point of view, it looked like they were about to kill him.

“Kendra is Kenny’s cousin,” Stan explained to the two girls.

“Nice to meet you!” Bebe said happily, Kenny knew in his gut that the smile and words were fake. How could Bebe hate the girl version of Kenny? Last time they hung out she wouldn’t stop talking to him until he, well, took her mind off things. Kenny knew she was in love with him, but would never break up with Clyde. Why would she be a jackass to Kenny’s ‘cousin’?

“It will be great having another girl here at South Park. The boys outnumber us almost 2-1” Wendy spoke up, lying though her teeth about being happy to have another girl there.

 Kenny just realized that girls actually hate each other. This must be the kind of passive aggressive girl behavior that Kenny was told about. Apparently, it was common for girls to pretend to like each other then, BAM! stab each other in the back without another thought.

Kenny realized, he’d have to do the same if he wanted to survive.

“I can tell we are going to be great friends!” He said and gave them a big smile


	3. Manipulation and Mortification

Wendy and Bebe began chatting with the team, completely ignoring Kenny’s statement.

“Hey Stan?” Kenny looked up at the muscular quarterback with puppy dog eyes. He silently thanked Karen for teaching him that girls could get away with anything if they made googoo eyes at a man.

“Yeah?” Stan looked down at her, “What’s up Kendra?”

“I was wondering if you would show me where Kenny’s locker is. He gave me the combo but not the location.” Kenny pretend pouted, seeing if how far his feminine wiles would get him.

“Oh! Uh Sure! Of course!” Stan smiled, “It is just over here.”

“Thanks!” Kenny just wanted away from the girls, he thought he was home free until…

“Stanny! Don’t even worry about it! Wends and I can show her around!” Bebe called after them.

Stan smiled, “That’s awesome! You should get to know some of the girls here! Kenny would want you to make friends!”

Kenny wanted to scream at Stan, “CAN’T YOU SEE THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME. THEY ARE GOING TO TORTURE ME. I CAN FEEL THE BLOODLUST RADIATING OFF THEM! DON’T LEAVE ME STAN!”

But, of course, Stan didn’t see that, he just threw Kenny to the wolves. The quarterback gave him a thumbs up and walked away.

Bebe had suddenly appeared on Kenny’s left and Wendy on his right. He felt trapped, both girls looked at him like prey.

“So, Kendra,” Bebe said dripping with sarcasm, “I really want to know where you got that skirt.”

“Bebe, why would you want something that looks like it came from a hooker’s garage sale?” Wendy chirped in then looking at Kenny, “But, like, that’s not your fault. I mean you are Kenny’s cousin, right? That means you are poor too, right?”

Kenny had never really had any specific feelings toward Wendy except for the fact that she was always on and off again with Stan, which crushed Stan and that pissed Kenny off. But damn, Wendy just made her way onto Kenny’s shit list. That bitch was gonna pay, McCormick style.

“Yeah. I am super-duper poor. These are Kenny’s mom’s clothes from when she was my age. My parents sent me here in sweats and a sweatshirt. You guys seem so nice, you would totally help me, right? My cousin told me that you two were the nicest and prettiest girls in school.” Kenny looked at the girls with a face that read ‘pity me’. Kenny planned on putting both of them in their place, but he needed their trust first. Kenny knew that Wendy couldn’t resist a charity case, and that Bebe couldn’t resist any type of flattery. Wendy and Bebe thought they could out manipulate Kenny McCormick? They were so damned wrong.

“Oh my gosh!” Wendy looked at Kendra with a single tear running down her perfectly made up face, “Bebe look at her, she is so precious. She could totally be a part of the group is we just tweaked her look a little.”

Kenny had to mentally remind himself not to punch the girls, he needed to get in with them.

Bebe flipped her hair over her shoulder, “Well. I suppose. She does have some good features. Ok Kendra, come over to my house tonight, and be prepared to spill your life story. Come on Wends we are going to be late.”

“K! Bye Kendra!”

Kenny shook his head as he watched them leave, girls were fucking crazy. He turned around and walked to his locker and popped in the combo. He took out a pack of smokes and a note book. The smokes he attempted to put in his pocket, until of course he realized he had no pockets. Damned girl’s clothes. He took out one smoke and slipped it into his boot. Kenny walked to his first class with the knowledge that every boy was drooling.

“Hey!” Kendra waved to a group of freshmen who basically came in their pants seeing her sweet titties bouncing down the South Park High hallways. Kenny loved knowing that everyone wanted him, it really boosted his ego.

Kenny meandered to his class, trying to look as lost as possible. He wound up in his first hour class two minutes before class started. He strutted into the classroom and looked around. Since he was a chick now he wasn’t morally obligated to sit by his bros. He could sit anywhere he wanted, but of course he was going to wait for their teacher to tell him where to sit. He didn’t want to look weird by just talking a seat.

Kendra loitered by the teacher’s desk until Garrison came in. This shocked Kenny, Garrison was their 3rd/4th grade teacher, why was he here now?

“Sit down children! I’m your substitute today and I know each one of you so don’t try anything.” Garrison warned, knowing already who the trouble makers were, staring directly at Kenny’s friends.

“Um excuse me,” Kendra spoke up, “I’m new here, where should I sit.”

“Oh hello! My name is Mr. Garrison. You can go ahead and sit by Craig in the back. But first let’s introduce you to the class.”

 “Ok everyone quiet down!” Garrison said to the class, “This is our new student Kendra. Say hello class.”

The class grumbled out a hello. Kenny was officially uncomfortable, he prayed silently hoping that Garrison would just let him go to his seat.  He hated the part of being the new kid where the teacher would tell him to ‘tell the group a little bit about himself’. He’d rather take a bullet than have to tell the group a ‘little bit about himself’.

“Kendra why don’t you tell us a little about yourself.”, Garrison said. Kenny groaned internally, and cussed Garrison out in his head.

“Um, well, as some of you know I’m Kenny McCormick’s cousin, He is gone away for a while and I’ll be taking his place.” Kendra said, rocking back and forth on her feet awkwardly.

“Oh interesting! I didn’t know Kenny had any cousins.” Garrison said, “Go ahead and take your seat, little missy.”

Kenny rolled his eyes and walked to sit in his assigned seat.  He plopped down between Craig and Jimmy. Kenny couldn’t say he was thrilled to sit next to the wanna-be class clown and the class emo.  Although Kenny had to admit, Craig Tucker was easily the most attractive man in South Park. He glanced over to Craig. Raven black hair, swept to the side in a slight fringe, and sparkling blue eyes. He was lean but muscular with high cheekbones and a strong jawline. Craig was always so aloof, almost untouchable. The girls always talked about him like he was a god.

Kenny realized he hadn’t spoken to Craig since middle school, when he was just a dorky kid in a blue hat and a mouthful of metal. Then Kenny realized something else, he was staring. And now, Craig was staring back.

Kenny realized he was wrong about Craig’s eyes, now that he was looking directly into them. They were a deep sapphire, NO! they were a deep lapis lazuli. Kenny remembered from his many art classed that lapis lazuli had flecks of gold in it, just like the eyes he was looking into.

“Can I help you?” Craig said, shaking Kendra out of her thoughts.

 _Fuck. Me._ Kenny thought. Even his voice was hot. Craig’s voice sounded like he had had the most wonderfully animalistic sex. It was deep and rough like he’d just woken up, but still smooth and mysterious like dark chocolate.

Kenny stuttered, which was quite unusual considering his reputation as a debonair heartbreaker, “C-can I borrow a pen?”

Craig sighed and handed over the black ballpoint pen he was using, “Here, I don’t take notes anyway.”

Kenny reached out for the pen and brushed the tips of his fingers against Craig’s, making Kenny’s nerves dance up and down his arm. That’s when Kenny felt it. The weirdest sensation of his entire life, male or female, from his brand-new lady part. It ached, like a heartbeat mixed with the tickle of needing to be fucked. It was wet and clenched, as though trying to grab hold of a dick that wasn’t there. Kenny could have sworn he felt it leak, like a mouth, watering for a steak.

“Thanks” Kendra whispered breathlessly.

Kenny spent the rest of his class shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He felt like his underwear was wet after the scene with Craig. Oh god. Kenny heartbeat faster even after just thinking his name and his pelvis area did a belly flop every time Kenny thought about Craig. What was he becoming? He’d never felt like this before, and having the man in question sitting not even a foot to his left didn’t help in the slightest. When class was over Kendra walked as quickly as she could to the door, keeping one eye on the noirette who borrowed her his pen. Damnit! The pen! Kendra ran back to him, face slowly turning red, and slammed the pen on Craig’s desk. All she could think of was getting away from the instigator of these weird feelings as soon as possible, that is of course until said instigator got covered in pen ink.

“FUCK!” Craig said standing up looking at his now Rorschach-esque shirt.

“Oh. My. God. I am so sorry, Craig!” Kendra said looking at the pen she exploded. Some ink got on her fingertips but most of it splattered on him.

“It’s fine.” He said in a voice that made it sound definitely _not_ fine.

Kendra felt her face get redder than Bebe’s hooker lipstick. Kendra, not knowing what to do, took the safe route and left.

Kendra went to the rest of her classes feeling like a complete fool. Thankfully Bebe and Wendy took her under their wing, completely forgetting that they hadn’t liked her less than 3 hours prior. They had her sit with them at lunch while they gossiped about other girls who sat at different tables. They made plans for that night and included Kendra, giving her Bebe’s address and a list of things to bring.

Kendra who was still feeling down because of the embarrassment with Craig, looked at the list they gave her.

“I don’t have most of these things…” Kenny sighed. They’d already forgotten he was poor as fuck.

“Oh! That’s right! Omg I am so sorry!” Wendy said , “That was so inconsiderate of us assuming you have all the luxuries we do. To make it up to you we will take you shopping tonight to get some of these things ok??”

All the other girls at the table cooed in agreement, happy to help someone less fortunate.

Kenny perked up at the chance to make other people buy him shit. Normally Kenny was completely against handouts but these girls seemed to be 100% idiots. He could probably make them buy him a damn privet island if he asked sweetly enough.

The end of the school day came faster than he expected. Kenny shoved his still empty note book back into his locker and made a grab for his parka, which wasn’t there. He sighed seeing the wind blowing outside fiercely, he was going to have to rough it.

Normally Kenny never took the bus home because it was too crazy. He preferred to walk, and today was no exception, especially after all of the craziness of the last 24 hours. He just needed a walk to clear his head, even in all the wind.

He exited the school, knowing Bebe was going to pick him up at his house at 5, which meant he could take as long as he needed to get home. The wind bit at his face viciously and Kenny was holding his skirt down so that he could retain at least some decency. He wasn’t used to having long hair yet so the wind tossed it around like a cotton candy machine, making it whip his face. It was both very frustrating and slightly painful. Kenny slightly hoped that Stan would see him in need again and be his hero, allowing him to borrow his jacket to at least keep himself decent. But this was all just hope for Kenny, so when a jacket was draped around his shoulders he was surprised. He looked down, expecting to see the red and beige of the South Park letterman jacket, only to see a blue and black leather jacket.

Kenny saw movement to his right a tall black haired hottie, with an ink stained shirt, walked by. Jacketless.


	4. Looks of a Model and Tits of a Porn Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't a lot of Crenny in this chapter but it is coming soon. This is more of Kenny getting used to being a chick. By the end of this chapter he will be referred to solely as Kendra because he has accepted his new gender identity. I hope you like it! Please leave a comment! I love hearing from you guys!!!

Kenny wrapped Craig’s leather jacket tighter around his body. He wracked his brain to figure out why Craig was so perfect? He looked flawless, he sounded like an orgasm, and he even smelled amazing, like cigarettes and a hint of a cologne that Kenny couldn’t place. The jacket was obviously made to be waist length on Craig, and it would have been waist length on Kenny if he was in his old body, but on Kendra’s body it was level with her skirt. It’s sleeves went past Kenny’s hands by at least 3 inches.

With Craig’s jacket swaddling him and smelling like a dream, Kenny’s walk home was 10 times better than he’d thought it would be. He let his mind wander and his feet take him home. The main focus of his wandering mind always ended up on the owner of the jacket. Kenny had known Craig since the taller boy had moved there in 2nd grade. Craig was always sort of an asshole but Kenny never out right disliked him. Kenny felt that he and Craig had a lot in common. They were both seen as the ‘bad boys’ with the dark histories who smoked during their lunch break and were the heartbreakers of South Park High. Kenny never really saw these commonalities until he found himself with big ol’ tiddies. Damn tiddies making him think about Craig that way. But he couldn’t blame his attraction to Craig on his recent gender swap, he’d always thought Craig was attractive. He just never really… dwelled on it. He just ignored him since he never considered him as dating material… or anything else for that matter.

Kenny wound up at home around 4:45, 15 minutes until Bebe was supposed to come rescue him. He didn’t dare walk in the front door and have to talk to his mom about vaginas, so he snuck through his bedroom window. He thought about changing but then realized that he didn’t have anything to change into.  Kenny laid on his bed and read through the one comic book he still had from childhood until he heard a honk outside his house. Kenny rapidly got up and ran his fingers through his hair, sort of brushing it.

“KENDRA!!” Bebe yelled out.

  _HONK! HONK!_

Kenny jumped out his window with his toothbrush and a blanket in his backpack and ran to the car.

“Hey, Bebe!” Kendra said smiling.

“Hey, guuurl!” Bebe said with a smile, “Are you ready! Tonight is going to be L-I-T, LIT!!!”

Kendra giggled, “Where to first?”

“TO THE MALLLLLLLL!!!!” Bebe squealed!

Kendra squealed as well, knowing that that’s what Bebe expected.

“Gurl, you don’t even know how much fun you are about to have! Wendy took some funds from her charity drive to help you get a new wardrobe and some female necessities! Which I, of course, will assist you in getting! OMG I am so glad we are friends.”

Kendra genuinely smiled, Bebe seemed honestly happy to be hanging out with her. Kenny smiled, he really did like Bebe, even if she was a douche at first.

When they pulled up to the mall, Kenny had heard at least one gossip-y fact about every girl in the group followed by a “but like, that’s just between you and me, ok?”

Like the fact that Wendy was going to take a boy from North Park to Clyde’s party on Friday just to make Stan jealous. And the fact that Nichole and Token were definitely fuck buddies even though they broke up. And how Red was totally a lesbian and had her eyes on Heidi. Then, OMG, then Kendra learned that Heidi tried to flirt with Kyle but Kyle said no because it was Cartman’s ex. Can you believe that Kyle was so loyal even though he always claims to hate Cartman?! Kenny could believe it if Kyle was anything it was loyal.

Kendra and Bebe walked into the mall at a store called “Sephora”. Kenny had never actually been to that store but he heard a lot of the girls talk about it.

Bebe grabbed Kendra’s wrist and excitedly ran toward the mob of high school girls that surrounded the entrance. They all swarmed in together.

Kendra was being shouted at from multiple different angles.

Bebe was shoving things that looked like paint brushes into his face. Wendy was showing him sparkly colors in circle containers, asking him something about skin tone and eye color.

Nichole was holding bottles of flesh colored things against Kenny’s inner arm, trying to find one that matched.

Then Kenny realized where he was at, and what a Sephora was. It was a make-up store, and he’d played one too many games with Karen in which she stabbed him in the eye with pink glittery shit.

“Hey girls, I’m not too sure about this bit. I uh have never done makeup.”

Every girl stood still, suddenly quiet.

Bebe walked up to Kendra like she was Chris Pratt trying to hold off the velociraptors, “You have never worn makeup before? And you are 18 years old?”

Kenny found himself slightly embarrassed, even though he shouldn’t be, “Yeah.”

Bebe grabbed his wrist yet again and dragged him over to the front desk.

“Yes, hi, my friend here needs to be made up. She’s never worn makeup before and we need to see it.”

The heavier set woman behind the counter smiled and then grabbed Kenny’s wrist and dragged him to a stool and mirror set in the middle of the store, all his friends crowded around. Kenny did have to wonder what it was about women and wrist grabbing. They seem to do that a lot.

The employee bustled away and came back with multiple tubes, bottles, pencils, brushes and powders.

Two hours.

That’s how long it took the women to teach and demonstrate to Kendra how each thing worked and how to apply it. Kenny actually found it very fascinating, it was like facial art. There was shading, outlining, drawing, and contouring. Most of the girls left to go do their own shopping, telling Bebe and Wendy to call them when she was done so they could see. Bebe and Wendy left for about 15 minutes to go buy Kenny the makeup that the woman was using.

When they were done, Kenny looked hot as fuck, like a goddamned model. His eyes were outlined and covered in black and he had fake eyelashes over his real ones. His face looked like a goddess. He couldn’t even describe it.

He turned around to the girls, who had all rendezvoused back at Sephora for Kendra’s reveal.

“What do you think?” The woman said, dramatically swiveling Kendra’s chair around to face them.

At first, it was silence. Bebe broke the silence by saying, “OH EM GEE”

Then all the girls began talking at speeds and volumes that Kendra had a hard time keeping up with.

When they had gotten out of there with a heavy bag of makeup, the shopping day flew by in a flash. They went to Victoria’s Secret to get bras and underwear, which Kenny found out that in their sizes he was a 32DD. They picked out the laciest bras and the sexiest panties. Kenny almost threw up when he saw the total for 3 bras and 7 panties. $267.50, not including tax. $12.50 per thong? Kenny thought back to how much damn fabric was there to even make a thong. Definitely not $12.50 worth of fabric that’s for damn sure.  When Kendra told them it was too expensive and that she couldn’t ask that of them, Wendy insisted that this counted as something her charity would fund and so she covered it.

Next, they went to Pink, a branch of Victoria’s Secret and bought her 3 pairs of leggings and two shirts and a sweatshirt, which came out to $260.50, not including tax. Kenny was amazed by how much damn women’s clothes cost. He probably could have gotten himself more than 5 completely new outfits for the same price as all of the stuff he was buying with these girls.

They went to a store called Express next and bought Kendra a fashion blouse and a black mini pencil skirt, which totaled to $80, not including tax.

Kenny was overwhelmed with these girls’ process. They would shove him into a dressing room, throw him 10-20 random things and make him come out and show them each one. They would judge it and send him back in. They used this process in about 3 other stores, getting Kenny (cute) sweatpants, two relaxed tshirts, three more fashion shirts, two casual dresses, one semi-formal dress, two pairs of heels, a pair of converse and a pair of flats, the total somewhere in $600 range.

When the girls finally announced that they were done Kendra was ready to pass out. She’d never spent that much time in the mall _ever_. Kendra was whisked away with Bebe back to her Jeep and they drove back to her place. She had Kendra order 3 pizzas when she was driving.

“Just cheese on two of them and the third one should be a chicken alfredo pizza.” Bebe instructed her while focusing on the road, “and we want them for delivery.”

Kendra reiterated all of Bebe’s instructions to the pizza guy on the end of the line.

When they got to Bebe’s house all of the girls put their hair up and washed their faces. They pulled on their PJ or sweats and laid out their sleeping bags and stuff first.

Kendra was really confused. When she had sleep overs with the boys they always just stayed in their day clothes, rolled out any sleeping bags just minutes before it was actually time to sleep, and there was never even a hint of hygiene. It was like a whole new type of sleepover.

When the pizza arrived, Bebe paid the kid, who turned out to be Ike Broflovski, and set them all on the floor of her basement. Kendra was a little wary of what the evening's events held. If she were with her boys right now they would be neck deep in zombies or defeating dragons with at least 3 monitors and 3 consoles going at the same time. Here, there wasn’t a monitor in sight unless you counted Bebe’s closed laptop. What were they going to do all night?

“Omg, ok so Kendra,” Bebe started, “Tell us all about you.”

Kendra felt herself start to panic, but quenched that shit right away, she was Kenny fuckin’ McCormick. She wasn’t going to let any girls get under her composure.

“Well, I was born and raised in Minnesota….”

“Are the boys there cute?” Nichole interrupted.

“Yeah! Totally, but I never dated any of them.”

There were gasps of disbelief being thrown around, along with the occasional:

“No way!”

“But you are so pretty!”

“They must be blind!”

“So wait are you a _virgin_?” Bebe whispered the word virgin like it was a cuss word.

Kendra nodded, which wasn’t a complete lie. She was a virgin in this body.

“Are you?” Kendra asked Bebe, knowing full well the answer was no.

Bebe shook her head, which honestly surprised Kendra. She’d always assumed that virginity was one of those things that all girls would defend that they still had until the grave. In fact, she’d seen girls do that before. But Bebe just shook her head no like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Nope. I’m not. I lost my V-card to Clyde freshman year. We have been dating ever since.” Bebe smiled ear to ear. Kendra was happy that her new friends weren’t embarrassed about their sexual exploits.

“I’m not a virgin either,” Wendy said, “In fact, like not to be a bitch or anything Kendra, but I think you might be the only virgin here.”

Kendra waved off Wendy’s concern, “Don’t worry about it!”

All the girls let out a collective breath that they’d been subconsciously holding after Wendy spoke, not wanting their new friend to think they were sluts or to feel bad she was the only virgin.

“So, Kendra, this is really important. Do you have any dish about your cousin Kenny?”

Dish? What the fuck was dish? Like gossip? Did she have any gossip on herself?

“Like,” Wendy said, “has he told you about like any girls or any juicy gossip about any here. Or maybe something that he does that is hilariously embarrassing.”

Time for some quick bullshittery.

“Kenny? Oh my god, where do I start?” Kendra smiled, “First of all, he is a total man whore!”

The girls laughed.

“Ok, honestly, who here hasn’t gotten laid by McCormick?” Bebe said laughing.

Wendy raised her hand, “I don’t know why, though. Honestly, Stan and I have broken up enough time for him to try and comfort me at least once! Ugh, it isn’t like I am not pretty right? Like I am adorable, I am good in bed. OH MY GOD. WHAT IF STAN TOLD HIM I WASN’T GOOD IN BED! THAT JACKASS.”

Everyone looked pissed off for Wendy now.

“He’s blind, Wends. You are beautiful.”

“Girl, he is just missing out!”

“Honey, don’t let it get to you. He is just a boy. And if Stan said that, then that makes him three times the asshole we thought he was.”

“Kendra,” Wendy sniffled, “Has your cousin ever said anything about me?”

Kendra realized that Wendy was right, she’d never tried to get laid with her. But, why? The idea of having sex with Wendy was just down right, wrong. But why? Probably because…

“Wendy, he told me he thinks of you as Stan’s girl, and from what I hear about Stan he would kill Kenny if he tried to fuck you.” Kendra smiled sympathetically.

Bebe tried to change the subject, “Wait! Does that mean that you know a lot about Stan, Kyle, and Cartman?”

“Well yeah! Kenny talks about those three all the time.”

“Ooh! Give us some juicy gossip!!”

“Well, uh, he says that he thinks Kyle is gay.”

The room oohed.

“Damnit!” Bebe said, “I knew he was too cute to be straight. Have you seen his ass though? Like damn boy! He could rival Nicki Minaj with that booty!”

“Man, I was going to see if Kyle wanted to go to Clyde’s party with me!” Heidi said sadly.

“You should still ask him!” Wendy said happily, “He might be bisexual!”

“Um,” Kendra started, “Kenny said he heard Stan say that he is so in love with Wendy that he would do anything for her.”

All eyes turned to Wendy whose face became tomato red.

“You really think so?” Wendy said meekly.

“Girl that’s what I’ve been telling you since day one! That boy loves you so much!!!”

Wendy whipped her phone out, “Ok! I am going to text him!”

“What about Cartman???” Red said.

“Why? Do you liiike him?” Bebe teased.

A blush crept up her face, “Oh my god no. That’s gross.”

“You like CARTMAN!” Bebe laughed at the sheer notion anyone would like Cartman.

“Who do you like Nichole?” Wendy smiled sneakily.

“Well… No one really.. I mean Token and I broke up. There is a guy who seems really nice. His name is Gary. He used to live around here then moved up to North Park, but I still see him sometimes. What about you Heidi?”

“I still have my sights set on Kyle’s booty, hopefully it works out! What about you Kendra?”

_Fuck, did they know about Craig? What should I say? They all seemed so open with each other. I definitely shouldn’t lie._

“Uh, well. I mean I have like a little crush on..” Kendra trailed off.

“Must be more than a little crush if you are having trouble telling us.” Bebe winked, “Who is the lucky guy??”

“Um, Craig?” Kendra phrased it like a question. She looked around at everyone’s face when she said his name. Some faces fell and others lit up.

“Oh honey, I am sorry. Craig Tucker is unattainable.” Red said solemnly.  

Nichole nodded. But Bebe smiled.

“Guys quit being such downers. We have all struck out with him before but that doesn’t mean that our sexy little fox here won’t. Kendra has the looks of a model and the tits of a porn star. If anyone can ensnare Craig Fucking Tucker it is her.”

Kendra had to admit, Bebe should be a motivational speaker. She made even Kendra feel like there was hope.

“Ok, so we pick clothes out for her tomorrow and she flirts with him. No one can resist those sky blue doe eyes. Not even that sexy demon Craig Tucker.”

The girls rallied behind Bebe, making Kendra panic and throw out her last bit of gossip.

“Cartman is a virgin!” she blurted.

The entire room grew silent.

“Uh, well that’s what Ken said anyway. You guys were asking for..” Kendra trailed off after looking at everyone’s face.

“No way.”

“But that girl from North Park.”

“We all met her! She told us…”

“He must’ve paid her to say that.” Wendy said mystified, “And none of us questioned it. Even though it is fucking Cartman.”

“Oh my god. This is going to be so much fun to tease him about! But like don’t worry we won’t throw Kenny under the bus!” Bebe smiled.


	5. Literal Symbolism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this chapter!! Thanks for all the feedback! Knowing people want to read it gives me so much more motivation to write!! Thank you all so much!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

The girls woke Kendra up at 6 AM. She rolled over and looked up at Bebe who was standing over her with her toothbrush in her mouth.

“Kendra, sweetie, it is time to wake up!” Wendy said from across the room.

“isslikedamiddleofdanight” Kendra whined and rolled over.

“We have school soon and we need to decide what you should wear today to impress Craig. You don’t have a lot of time to slack if you want him.”

Kendra opened her eyes wider and stretched. That’s right. She needed her some tall dark and handsome.

But then again, it was still 6 AM, she was not too fond of any time that wasn’t double digits. Kendra sat up and looked around, everyone else was up and moving. Heidi and Red were in the bathroom together, Red was putting on makeup while Heidi was peeing.

That was so gross…. Girls pee while someone is in the same room? Kendra had never seen anything like it. Bebe and Wendy were pouring over the shopping bags from yesterday, trying to find something for Kendra to wear.

“These made her butt look amazing yesterday! I think she should wear these, but I have no idea what she would wear as a top!” Bebe said, frustrated.

“What about that purple shirt that makes her boobs look great?” Wendy said staring down the piles trying to find said shirt.

Kendra stood up and walked over to the girls.

“What about that white tank top we got. That makes my boobs look nice, right?”

“Well yeah, but what are you going to put on top of it?” Bebe asked.

“Um... Does it need anything on top of it?”

“Ooh! What about that jacket you were wearing yesterday when you were walking home from school? We could go with you to pick it up from your house!” Wendy said smiling.

Oh my god. Craig’s jacket. Kendra looked into her backpack she’d brought and made sure it was still there. She couldn’t wear it as a part of her outfit right? That would be really uncool.

“Actually that’s not my jacket I was wearing,” Kendra said, her blush rising, pulling the jacket out.

“Whose…” Bebe trailed off after getting a good look at the leather jacket.

An ear shattering scream rang out of Bebe’s mouth and she grabbed Kendra’s hands and jumped around like an idiot.

“OMG! OMG! OMG! I AM SO EXCITED HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT TOLD US HE GAVE YOU HIS JACKET!!! THIS IS SO IMPORTANT OMG YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE IF HE IS GIVING YOU HIS CLOTHES!!!!”

Kendra’s blush intensified, as the other girls’ jaws dropped slightly.

Wendy looked at Kendra, playfully frustrated, “Ok little Miss I-got-Craig’s-Jacket, you are withholding information about yesterday so spill. What happened so that he noticed you?”

Kendra spilled the entire story about the pen and the ink and how he dropped the jacket on her without a word. The girls ate up every bit of the story and squealed.

“Okokokokok new plan! He already likes you. So now all you got to do is make him want you even more. So here is the plan.” Bebe shoved a pile of clothes into Kendra’s arms and a pair of boots. Out of the boot fell Kendra’s cigarette from yesterday. All of the girls looked at her.

“You smoke?” Wendy asked, cautiously.

Kendra nodded, not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Wendy made a face of disgust but Bebe whooped in glee.

“That’s it!! OMG that’s you’re in! Craig smokes outside the building every day during lunch. Go out there and I don’t know… spend time with him over a cigarette. OOOH! I know use that time to return his jacket. OMG. I am so happy for you Kendra!!!!”

All the girls perked up at that, tittering on about how great of an idea that was.

While they were fangirling around, Kendra slipped into the leggings and white tank top. The tank top was super tight and had thin straps. It showed her shoulder boulders off very nicely. The leggings were black and suck on tight, which made her butt look amazing.

“Oh my god I have the best idea!” Bebe said and ran upstairs.

She came down two minutes later with a black leather vest in hand which she shoved into Kendra’s hands.

“Here! It is perfect. It will give more of an edgy vibe! Going out and smoking with him calls for leather, not a sweater.”

Kendra slipped on the vest. It was low cut to continue to show her boobs off but it was cropped on the bottom too so it landed at her waist. It was also sleeveless so she wouldn’t have anything to keep her warm, but she had to admit, she looked awesome.

“Thanks Bebe! I love it!”

“Ok! Now we are going to do your makeup! This isn’t going to be as intense as yesterday. Just some foundation and some eye makeup”

They left an hour later, dropping people off at home to get their backpacks and what not. But Kendra stayed with Bebe, taking her bus route to school in order to not see Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. She had to admit, she felt like she betrayed their trust by telling the girls all those things about them. But, Kendra rationalized, they have definitely done shit to deserve it right?

When school started Bebe and Kendra walked into their first class together. Bebe winked at her as a wish of luck as they parted ways to find their seats. Kendra sat at her desk, glancing over at the empty desk to her left. He wasn’t here yet. She shot a look over to Bebe for some sort of support, but only got a shrug. Class started without Craig, Kendra zoned out the entire class period waiting, no, hoping he would come through the doors. But she wasn’t that lucky.  

Kendra went through the rest of her morning classes in a fog. It wasn’t like she paid attention in class when she was Kenny, why would that change now?

It was lunch time and Kendra ate her granola bar she bought quickly, the girls gave her a quick pep talk.

“Just breathe, you got this!”

“I am so excited for you! You can do this!”

“Go get him, foxy lady!”

Kendra breathed and pulled out the pack of cigarettes she grabbed before lunch. She walked out to where the smoking kids smoked during lunch. It was just outside the cafeteria, between the dumpster and the garage.

Her heart stopped as she walked out, he was there. He looked like a dream. His hair was blowing in the breeze. He was propped up against the wall, his head leaning back and his eyes shut. His jawline made her knees weak.

Kendra strutted over there with his jacket draped over her arm and pulling out a cigarette. She put it in her mouth and shut the package.

“Hey.” She said casually.

He opened one sharp lapis lazuli eye and looked over at her. He looked her up and down taking in the fact she had a cigarette in her mouth and his jacket on her arm.

“Hey.” He said warily, his voice sounding as sexy as she remembered.

“D’ya mind?” She said gesturing to the spot next to him.

He shrugged. Kendra’s mind went into overdrive. She can’t act like herself, er, Kenny. She can’t act like her boyself. ‘D’ya mind’ is a total Kenny thing to say!

“Oh, by the way. Thanks for the loan yesterday, you are my knight in shining armor.” She said with a hint of sarcasm. She offered him his jacket back.

 _Damnit_ , she screamed to herself, _quit acting like Kenny_!

Craig took the jacket back and replied, “What does that make you? A fucking damsel in distress?”

He sounded flippant but Kendra could make out just a tiny bit of red ghost over his cheeks. She took the cigarette out of her mouth.

“I dunno about a damsel in distress but I can sure try to do something with that first adjective.” She raised an eyebrow suggestively.

 _Fuck it_ , she thought, _if Craig is going to drag my Kenny out of me then go big or go home._

“Be careful. You don’t wanna start something you can’t finish.” He said in monotone but there was still a fire to his words. A fire that made the Kenny side of Kendra ready to play.

“Don’t worry about me finishing, worry about yourself.” Kendra smiled and reached for a light in her pocket, when she realized again that she had no pockets, and thus no light.

She looked to Craig who was smirking, something that she hadn’t seen in a long time. It suited him, a sly half smile.

“D’ya have a light? I don’t have any damn pockets so I forgot to bring one.” Kendra stuck the cigarette back in her mouth.

She looked at him and he took a step toward her. She looked into his eyes which smiled deviously. Before she knew it he had one hand on her waist and pulled her toward him, and one hand cupping her jaw. Kendra felt her brand new panties become wet. What was he doing? Their faces were inches apart. His eyes still smiled and danced devilishly. He lined up their cigarettes and took a drag on his. The embers of his cigarette ignited the end of hers. In the back of Kendra’s mind she thought if that wasn’t symbolic of their relationship so far, she didn’t know what was. She took a drag, inviting his embers to come to her cigarette. She finally felt the smoke waft into her lungs but she didn’t dare pull away. Her eyes were locked on his. She couldn’t even express how turned on she was right now.

He let go of her and returned to his spot when he was sure her cigarette was lit. He removed his own and exhaled. Kendra still stood mesmerized but came to her senses enough to at least lean against the wall so she didn’t look like an idiot. They stood in silence for a good five minutes until someone came barging outside in anger.

Who the hell ruined their moment? Kendra was going to have to give them a serious beat down.

And of course. It was fucking Cartman.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU BITCH?” Cartman screamed walking toward Kendra.

“What are you talking about?” Kendra said officially tired of Cartman’s bullshit for the day. He barreled up to her and grabbed both of her shoulders, pinning her to the wall.

“Dude what the fuck!” Kendra yelled defensively, she squirmed trying to get out of the situation but his grip was like iron.

He got his face too close to Kendra’s so that she could smell his disgusting breath as it hit her face.

“You can’t just go spreading rumors about me because you are new and a girl. I don’t take shit from anyone bitch, not even my best friend’s cousin.” Cartman’s spittle hitting Kendra in the face. It made her shudder in disgust.

Ugh, Kendra mused, I guess I should teach him a lesson now.

She kneed him in the stomach as hard as she could, but the results weren’t the same. He groaned and loosened his grip but he didn’t let go. What the fuck. That move always worked, especially on the fatass. Kendra started panicking if she was Kenny, Cartman would be on the ground writhing in pain. She hated the feeling of being weaker than her attacker. Who knows what he was going to do with her.

She squirmed and tried hitting him with her first but he just moved his iron grip to her wrists, pinning them up against the brick wall. She felt so exposed and… helpless. She kicked Cartman in the shins which made him get angrier. He grabbed both wrists with one hand and slapped her across the face.

He leaned in and whispered, “No one talks shit about me. You keep telling people I am a virgin, but I ain’t. You are going to find out real quick how good I am in bed.”

Kendra’s mind went blank. Was he…planning on raping her? Kendra literally trembled she could feel her eyes widen with fear.

He took a good look at her scared form and brought his lips millimeters away from her ear. He whispered, “I love seeing the terror in your eyes.”

Kendra couldn’t believe this. Cartman was so much more fucked up than she’d thought. The Cartman she knew would never sexually assault women. But, Kendra thought, he made Scott Tenorman eat his parents for embarrassing him to just Stan, Kenny, and Kyle. Kendra embarrassed him in front of the entire school.

“That’s enough Fat Ass.” Craig said finishing his cigarette and flicking it on the ground, “Touch her again and see how long you live.”

“Fuck off, faggot.” Cartman said gazing at Kendra’s breasts like they were some kind of fucking snack.

Craig grabbed Cartman’s shoulder and ripped him off Kendra, who collapsed to the floor, shaking. But she stood up, pissed as hell. She could take him now that she wasn’t pinned.

“Thanks.” She said to Craig shortly, “But I can protect myself.”

Craig sighed, “I know you can, but you shouldn’t have to.”

Kendra looked at him in a new light. His face was still stoically neutral but there was a fire in his eyes.

Cartman swings wildly at Craig who easily dodges the attacks, but continues to stand between them not wanting him to have another opportunity to hurt her. Kendra felt a swirl of emotions, anger at Cartman for making her feel useless, anger at herself for being weak, happy because fucking Craig Tucker was fighting for her. She watched the fight hungrily, wanting to see and remember every moment of Cartman’s beat down.

Craig hadn’t touched him yet, but Cartman hadn’t touched Craig either. Kendra heard a loud crack and saw that they both hit their target. Cartman punched Craig’s nose and Craig punched Cartman’s esophagus. Cartman staggered backward and fell on his knees trying to catch his breath. Craig just stood there, not moving with blood running down over his lips and to his chin. Kendra had to admit that she was slightly turned on by tough Craig. He casually wiped the blood off his face and walked over to Cartman and kicked him in the stomach, hard.

The fat boy didn’t stand up. He crumpled into a ball and laid on the floor. Kendra stared at him with a feeling of triumph, but when she looked up Craig was already walking away.

“Craig!” Kendra said stumbling after him, her legs still shaking from earlier. Craig kept walking.

“Craig, hold on a sec!” She said she was just a few steps behind him, then she grabbed his sleeve. He spun around on her so fast that she stumbled against the wall. He angrily punched the wall next to her head and looked her in the eyes. She looked at him as he towered over her, his face looked angry but his eyes look confused.

“Listen,” he growled, “I hate all my classes, I hate all the people in my classes, and I hate everything about all the people in my classes, and I plan to keep it that way. Why are you trying to mess it up?”

He pushed off the wall and trudged away. Away from the school, away from his classes, and away from her.


	6. The Fire in His Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendra antagonizes Craig...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update babes and sorry for the short chapter!!!!!! Hope you enjoy!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Like hell, Kendra was going to let him leave like that. He was the first person she couldn’t pretend to be someone else around. Craig forced the Kenny out of her, and she couldn’t let him leave.

“Craig Tucker! You can’t just say some shit like that and walk away from me. Get your ass back here.” Kendra said.

That’s the moment Kenny McCormick realized something. When it came to Craig Tucker she couldn’t hide her true personality. It felt _fake_ , almost like Craig could see through her change of form. Kenny smiled, if anyone could see through her it would be Craig Motherfuckin’ Tucker. 

She marched over to where he stopped to look back at her in shock.

“Leave me alone. I thought I made that clear.” He said harshly. His eyes looked sad and his face stoic.

“You did. But I’m not the type of,” Kenny caught herself, she’d almost said guy, “…person who leaves things unsaid.”

“Say what you have to say, dude.” Craig ran his fingers through his hair. Kenny could feel how forced this hostility was. Craig didn’t want to leave, but he was scared. Kenny was determined not to be the girl who lies down and lets him get away. Ken had seen way too many romcoms to know how that plays out. She wasn’t going to wait until some damn party where they were both too liquored up to figure out which way was up to finally tell him what he thought. Time to sack up…(Kenny laughed internally when she thought this) and just tell Craig how she felt. She didn’t like nor want any drama.

It was in that moment that Kenny remembered something. It was the last time she’d ever had a conversation with Craig. It was the middle of the night, the summer between middle school and high school. The boys from their grade all got together and went to Starks Pond to drink. This was the first time Kenny had ever thought to sell his parents liquor. At that point, everyone was a lightweight, except Kenny and Craig. They’d laid down in the grass, next to their drunk friends and talked all night long.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” a very drunk Kyle asked Kenny that night.

“Maybe. What about you Tucker?” Kenny said challenging the noirette with his gaze. Craig held his gaze and said, “Yea, sort of. I believe that one day you find the person that you can tolerate more than any other person.”

“Sounds like Craig’s version of love” Clyde had busted out laughing.

“Who would that person be to you?” Kenny said smiling, trying bait Craig into revealing secrets.

Craig looked off into the distance, contemplatively.

“It would be…” Craig tapped his lips twice in thought, “Someone who saw the fire in my eyes, and wanted to play with it.”

Kenny snapped out of her memory, smiling devilishly.

“I like you! My stomach gets all weird when you are around and…” Kenny could hear her voice becoming louder and shriller, “you are being such a jackass right now!”

“ _I’m_ being a jackass?! I just wanted to leave! _You_ are the one not letting me go!” Craig shouted defiantly. Kenny cracked a small smile, Craig had taken the bait.

“YEAH! _YOU_ ARE BEING A JACKASS RIGHT NOW!” Kenny walked up to Craig and lightly yet forcefully shoved him, “YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE, FUCKFACE.”

Craig stumbled backward, his voice rising and his expression was pissed the fuck off, “FOR FUCKING WHAT?? I DIDN’T DO JACK SHIT!”

“OH YEAH, FUCKBOY?”

“YEAH!”

“I JUST TOLD YOU I LIKE YOU AND YOU DIDN’T SAY IT BACK. IN MY BOOK THAT COUNTS AS JACKASSERY.”

“ _FIRST_ ,” Craig yelled his eyes blazing, “JACKASSERY ISNT A WORD, DIP SHIT. AND SECOND COULD YOU JUST STOP BEING A NARSCESISTIC ASSHAT FOR LIKE TWO GODDAMNED SECONDS. YOU CAN’T JUST ASSUME THAT ANYONE WHO SEES YOU IS IMMEDIATELY READY TO BONE YOU OK? DON’T JUST ASSUME THAT I WANNA FUCK YOU OK?”

She was like a moth being drawn into the flame. Kenny was insanely attracted to the challenge of Craig, the fire in his personality and in his eyes.

“SO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING YOU DON’T WANNA FUCK ME?”

“DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT, KEN! OF COURSE, I DO.”

 _Gotcha_.

 She walked up to Craig and threw her arms around his neck, her voice turning sweet “Really? Interesting. Well then, it seems we have a common goal. Your house? Ten o’clock?”

Craig’s eyes widened in shock and embarrassment, he pushed Kenny off him. Kenny looked for the fire she’d seen only seconds earlier only to see it blazing with intensity behind those panty dropping eyes. Kenny could tell it took all of Craig’s willpower to not respond, and it took all of Kenny’s will power not to take him right then and there. Craig walked away obviously not going to stop and turn around again.

Kenny sighed to herself and walk back to class, as the bell had rang a while back.

That’s when it hit her.

DID CRAIG CALL HER **_KEN_**?

Kenny was appalled by the unoriginal nickname. Craig was being such a tease, making Kenny’s vagina drip with the whole cigarette encounter and then cutting her off with the entire, “ _blah blah blah_ I’m _Craig Tucker_ and I hate _everyone_ because I’m an _edgy guy_.” But Craig did admit, although by accident, that he liked Kenny. Well, more specifically, he wanted to fuck Kenny which she thought was kinda the same thing. A new plan was blooming in Kenny’s brain. A plan that consisted of Kendra, Kenny, Clyde’s party, Craig Tucker, and Stan Marsh.


	7. Milk VS Fireball Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny's plan goes into effect. Kissing Stan is just step one.

The day of Clyde’s party had finally arrived. School went by very quickly seeing as Craig didn’t show up and Kendra was too busy making plans with Bebe.

“Ok so like you should totally wear that black dress we bought you, it would be so cute. I could straighten your hair if you wanted!” Bebe chirped while the two girls were driving back to Bebe’s house to get ready for the party that night. Kenny smiled and accepted Bebe’s offers.

“I am so excited for the party! Clyde’s dad is out of town and liquor was half off!!” Bebe said as they lounged on the couch and watched a few episodes of ‘Say Yes to the Dress” before the party.

“Yeah! I am ready to get some action!” Kenny told Bebe, “I think Craig is warming up to me!”

“Hopefully…” Bebe said warily.

Kenny sat up and looked at her, “What do you mean?”

Bebe sighed and said cautiously, “Well, I heard something that you probably aren’t going to like.”

“Spill Bebe.” Kenny said her feminine voice sounding joking but she was internally screaming.

“Well, and this is just a rumor, I don’t know if it holds any truth, but people are saying that Craig is bringing Tweek to the party.” Bebe cringed while speaking, “Like as his date.”

Kenny’s jaw fell… Now this... this was not part of the plan. Craig was bringing Tweek?! Like Tweek Tweak, class spaz?! Not to mention… a boy.

Kenny flopped backwards. Fuck. This was so not how she wanted the night to go, but to be honest, this just made Kenny want Craig more. Craig was upping the game by bringing a date. Kenny smiled devilishly, it was going to be amazing watching Craig’s face try to stay neutral while Kenny’s plan unfolded.

Two hours later Kenny and Bebe started to get ready. Kenny still didn’t trust herself to do her own make up so she got dressed while Bebe did hers. She squeezed herself into a super short long sleeved plain black dress that didn’t hide anything. It was suck on tight and low cut. She was easily seeing a trend in women’s clothes, tight, short, and low cut, but she had to admit she would bang herself. Bebe lent her a long silver necklace and diamond studs for her jewelry. From day one of being a chick, Kenny had silently thanked God that she had her ears pierced already. Kenny slipped on the heels that they’d bought when they went on their shopping spree. They were skin colored heels that made her about 6’ 1”. But they were already hurting Kenny’s feet, and she knew that she would not be able to run since she was barely confidant in her ability to walk.

Bebe took 45 minutes to do Kenny’s make up, making her look like a goddamn goddess. Her face was radiant and she had something she referred to as a smoky eye. She then brushed and straightened Kenny’s long blonde hair and swept it all over her left shoulder. Kenny had to admit, she did look amazing. When she was finally done with hair and makeup and Bebe had sprayed her with perfumed called ‘Pure Seduction”, they left to meet the other girls at Clyde’s house.

It was 7PM and they’d gotten there early, since the party started at 8. Bebe told the girls to show up early so they could help Clyde set up. Kenny took her shoes off while they moved and hauled things, but Bebe made her swear she would put them back on when people started showing up.

“They make your ass look super-hot plus there are so many tall boys coming that you could use the height.” Bebe said with a wink.

Clyde had also invited some of the football guys to help set up, which meant that Stan was there. Time to put her plan into action. When most of the other people in the living room left to go help elsewhere, Kenny ‘slipped’ on the hard wood floor. As expected, actual knight in shining armor, Stan, ran to her rescue.

“Kendra! Hey, you alright?” He said running over to her. Stan was wearing a distressed pair of jeans and a flannel shirt left unbuttoned to expose a plain white t-shirt. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his hair was messily styled.

‘Kendra’ sat up and nodded, “Thanks for the save, cutie.” Kenny winked at Stan who blushed profusely. Stan helped Kenny up, slowly so that she wouldn’t slip again. But Kenny did slip, right into Stan’s arms. His strong hands were holding her waist and her arms were slung around his neck. Kenny looked up at Stan with her doe eyes, and bit her lip slightly, allowing herself to blush a little too. Kenny knew Stan was clueless but not that clueless.

“No..problem…” Stan said his face getting closer to hers, Kenny watched Stan’s eyes drift to her lips. Kenny leaned in and placed a peck on his lips. He pulled her closer and kissed her again. Kenny had to admit, kissing Stan was nice. He was… Kenny couldn’t think of a good descriptor other than…… safe and comfortable. Kenny was slightly bored but kissing was still kissing. It was pleasant but there was no fire, unlike Craig who was all fire. If Stan was milk, Craig was Fireball whiskey. Kenny lazily made out with Stan until they heard someone coming. Kenny pulled away, almost pushing him away as everyone piled into the living room with various amounts of food and drink. Kenny used that moment to slip away, making distance between herself and Stan, not wanting to make a scene until it was time.

She went and put her shoes back on and joined everyone on the dance floor. Clyde had his phone hooked up to two huge speakers and started off the night playing Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. Kenny saw the looks that people gave each other around the room as the music started. Everyone was bouncing to the beat, the excitement almost palpable in the air. Then, along with the music everyone screamed, “PARTY ROCK!”. Some people burst into fits of giggles while others continued to sing to the music. Bebe even started twerking when words ‘Shake that.’ blared through the speakers. Kenny bust out laughing, these people were still as crazy as ever, even without liquor (Unless of course some of them pre-gamed).  Kenny knew she’d have to wait for Stan to get drunk before he’d kiss her with the passion she needed to sell the bit.

About an hour went by until Bebe came over to her and grabbed her hands.

“LOOSEN UP A LITTLE!” Bebe screamed over the music, “LETS GRAB YOU A DRINK!”

She led Kenny over to the makeshift bar and grabbed her a glass. Kenny snatched up the bottle of Jack and filled her Solo cup halfway up, like she was used to doing when she was a he.

Bebe looked at her with saucer eyes and leaned over to yell in her ear, “KENNY DOES THE EXACT SAME THING… THAT’S SO WEIRD YOU TWO ARE LIKE TWINS.”

Kenny smiled at her and took a swig, Bebe was right, even just having a drink in her hand made her a little more relaxed. That is until she saw Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome walk into the house, with Tweek Tweak. Bebe walked away to go find her boyfriend, oblivious to the fact that Craig Tucker was here, and looking drop dead gorgeous. He was wearing a snug black t-shirt that emphasized the broadness of his shoulders and ripped black skinny jeans. His hair made Kenny’s knees weak, he gelled his fringe so it was out of his face, like a quiff. The gel was messily raked through the rest of his hair making it look like sexy bed head.

 _After sex hair_ , Kenny thought to herself biting her lip in excitement, shit this boy knows how to make me weak.

It was time for Kenny’s plan to go into action. She tore her gaze from Craig to search for Stan. She found him dancing next to Kyle (of course) and walked over to them. Stan had two bottles of beer in his hand, both already empty.

Kenny giggled, “Already two beers in and it isn’t even 9:30?”

“Two?”, Kyle snorted, ‘Try 6.”

Kenny laughed and took them from Stan placing them on a nearby table. She boldly laces their fingers together, making Kyle look at their intertwined hands incredulously.

“Dude!” Kyle said, his voice a little too high pitched, “What the fuck is this?”

“Ky, Ky, Ky, s’ok.” Stan said putting his free hand on Kyle’s shoulder.

“Ok? Kenny’s going to kill you? And you!?” Kyle rounded on Kenny, “Isn’t there some sort of girl code saying you can’t bang a friend’s ex?”

Kenny feigned offence, “Really Kyle? I’ve only been here for like four days and I can’t hang out with Stan, the one of only nice ‘available’ guys in town?”

Kyle harrumphed, “If you and your cousin have the same definition of ‘hang out’ then yes, you can’t.”

“Ky. Bro. You are being a major downer right now.” Stan said taking his hand off Kyle’s shoulder. Kenny started walking away from the ginger cockblock, bringing Stan near the snack table. Part of Kenny’s big plan was to make out by the snack table because it was one of the most central of locations. Craig would have to see them. Kenny pulled Stan’s shirt collar down and planted a kiss on his mouth. He greedily kisses her back, which was Kenny’s way of knowing he was drunk enough to make her plan work. She tangled her hands in his hair and wrapped a slender leg around his torso. Stan took the hint and grabbed her ass, pulling her up so her legs were wrapped around his muscular waist. He had one hand around her waist and the other on her ass. She kissed him back passionately, but he quickly moved to kiss down her throat. Kenny’s breath hitched a little, neck kisses were always sexy. However, Stan’s neck kisses were a little too vanilla for Kenny, she liked hers with a little bit of… bite.

Kenny opened her eyes to see six pairs of jealous eyes. One of which made her stomach flip with glee and the other two made her excitement die. The first pair of jealous eyes were the lapis lazuli intensity of Craig Tucker. The second pair was Wendy Testaburger’s filled with a look of disgust. And finally, the unwavering possessiveness of Kyle Broflovski.

Like they can talk, Kenny thought to herself, Wendy came here with some loser from North Park to make Stan jealous and Kyle’s been repressing his feelings for years.

Kenny looked back at the blue eyes she wanted to claim as her own, only to have her gaze met penetratingly. Kenny could feel his jealousy and was ready to throw gas on the fire that was starting to burn.

She pulled Stan off her neck and kissed him, sloppily and with tongue, while looking into Craig’s eyes across the room. Craig ripped his gaze away and returned to his conversation with Tweek. A conversation that for some reason had Craig caressing Tweek’s cheek.

Kenny felt a hot twinge of jealousy pang through his body. Fucking Craig, he knew that she expected him to make out with Tweek as revenge, but instead he was doing cutesy romantic shit with him instead. Kenny felt a mixture of anger and jealousy boiling to the surface. Kenny watched helplessly as their fingers loosely intertwined, not quite holding hands but more like shyly playing. She watched until she saw Craig’s gaze snap over to her for a second, just to make sure she was still watching.

 _DAMNIT_ , Kenny screamed in his head, _THAT FUCKER._

Kenny’d never met someone who could play her game better than her. She’d thought she had lost, until….

“OH MY GOD GUYS!!! GUESS WHAT CLYDE JUST FOUND IN HIS BASEMENT!!!” Bebe ran in screaming.

The crowd shared confused looks until she screamed, “A KARAOKE MACHINE!!!”

 


	8. Dirty Little Rocker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They break out the Karaoke machine.... and there is lots of sexual tension...

Oh. Yes.

Kenny smiled internally and pushed a slobbering Stan off of her, “OMG KARAOKE!”

Stan looked a little dazed but wasn’t too phased when Kenny grabbed his hand and dragged him along to where everyone was setting up the machine. Token and Clyde were trying to set up the mics, speakers, and the projector. Bebe walked between Wendy and Kenny grabbing their hands and squeezing them excitedly.

Kenny squeezed back, she was so excited! She had always been an amazing singer, there was even a point where she traveled around the world singing. Kenny was going to blow everyone away. Kenny scoped the crowd, seeing Craig and Tweek in the front row of the group of teenagers.

It was at that point Kenny’s mind was forming a brand new plan.

“I call first!” Bebe yelled mere seconds before Kenny did. They both look at each other and fall into a fit of giggles, Kenny shoving Bebe to the mic. Bebe picked out Dirty Sexy Money by the Struts. Kenny was surprised how good of a singer Bebe was, she was no Beyoncé but she was better than most people in South Park. Everyone was cheering and dancing while Kenny was running through songs she knew she could rock. Until she almost laughed out loud when she found the perfect song she could rock, and get a response of out Craig.

Bebe finished and everyone cheered. Clyde walked up to her, dipped her and gave her a kiss.  Kenny strutted onto the designated ‘stage’ area. She pulled her dress down so her cleavage would pop and grabbed a mic. She whispered the song she wanted into Token’s ear who gave her a weird look but played the song.

Kenny winked at Craig when she stood in front of everyone, ready to sing and put on a show. When the music started, Kenny enjoyed the looks that her friends gave each other. Some were astonished she would be doing such a raunchy song, others amused, but Craig was very clearly shocked. Kenny whipped her hair up and down and grabbed a handful and bit her lip as she started to sing, _“Na na na Come on”_ She rolled her body sensually, throwing her hair around, using it as part of her dance while continuing to sing _S &M_ by Rihanna.

While singing, looking straight into Craig’s eyes, _“Feels so good being bad.”_ Holding his gaze, she ran her free hand up her body. She turned around and bent at the hips, knowing that her heels made her already amazing ass look even better. She got cheers from the drunker guy’s in the room and Bebe.

“THAT’S MY BITCH! WURK IT!” Bebe screamed like a 12 year old girl at a One Direction concert.  

_“Cuz I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it”_ Kenny stood, again throwing her hair around as she did.

“ _Sex in the air, I don’t care I love the smell of it_ ” Kenny rolled her body to the beat pulling her hair over her face, covering one eye, and running a hand down her body. She sexily danced around and sang until she got to her favorite part of the song.

She dropped to her knees and sang, _“I love the feeling you bring to me, oh you turn me on. Your exactly what I’ve been yearning for, give it to me strong!”_ She ran a tongue over her lips and winked at Craig. Who in turn sucked his cheeks in sexual tension.

_“And meet me in my boudoir. Make my body say ah, ah, ah.”_ Kenny exaggerated the ‘ah’s’ by actually sex moaning and popping her chest, making the men in the audience (drunk or not) cheer.

When Kenny had finished, the crowd erupted, even Tweek cheered. Only three people did not get on the ‘Kendra is the shit’ bandwagon. Wendy Testaburger. Kyle Broflovski. And Craig Motherfuckin’ Tucker.

“I’m going next.” A sexy deadpan voice said, loud enough for Token to hear and nod, motioning him onto the ‘stage’. Craig walked over to Token, and picked his song out.

The crowd was confused more than anything.

“Whoa, Craig is participating?”

“I didn’t even know he came to these parties anymore.”

“Craig can sing?”

And little did they know, not only could Craig sing, but he made every girl who could hear orgasm when he started.

Kenny heard the music start, but couldn’t place the song. It was a mix of country, metal, and rock. But when Craig opened his mouth Kenny knew exactly what was going on. Kenny was wrong when she thought Karaoke was a guaranteed her a win for the game.

_“I’ve never been so happy to see a girl leave. Take your filthy little hands off my dirty ripped jeans. You told me you hated my GNR shirt. Shoulda known then, this is never gonna work, but like what you like, it don't matter to me. Just leave the Jack and take your Hennessy. Take your Kanye out of my player please. That Zepplin 45 is stayin' with me.”_ Craig purred the lyrics to Hinder’s _Hey Ho_. Kenny couldn’t believe her ears. He was still playing the game, he was singing these lyrics directly to her. Not only was he singing to her, but he sang like a god. This fact irritated Kenny for a moment, did Craig have to be good at everything?  
“ _If you're a dirty little rocker, Baby come on and let it show.”_ Craig ran a hand through his hair and looked into Kenny’s eyes, his own laughing. He was having fun watching her squirm.

And, well, of course that didn’t make Kenny wet in the slightest. She began to sway to the lullaby that was Craig’s voice until she saw him walk closer to her, only to change directions last minute and cup Tweek’s jaw, still looking at Kenny.  
_“You can wait in the line, at the club, if you wanna, shake your ass all night, but I'm gonna, find a rocker chick that'll bang to Nirvana.”_

Now Kenny knew that Craig was definitely singing to her, and Tweek was the rocker chick.

Fuck.

When Craig was done all the girls in the audience started screaming and applauding. They were enamored with the noirette, and Kenny couldn’t help but get a little jealous.

Without thinking she walked up to Token and requested to do _I Like It Heavy_ by Halestorm. If Craig wanted a dirty little rocker he was about to get one.

There were more cheers when Kenny went back on stage, and one disgruntled voice.

“Why should she be allowed to go again, that’s bullshit. Other people want to go. Let other people have a turn bitch.” Wendy said crossing her arms, but Bebe put an arm around her.

“Anyone have any objections to Kendra going again?” Bebe shouted and was met with silence. Wendy’s face grew red and she backed off.

_Damn straight_ , Kenny thought.

The music started up again and Kenny began his seductive dance, but this time instead of pop, rock poured from the speakers. Kenny began to sing.

_“Some like beautiful, perfect and pretty.”_

She rose from a stripper squat slowly.

_“I see the good in the bad and the ugly.”_

She stared Craig down with sultry ‘fuck-me’ eyes, not bothering to be discrete.

_“I need the volume one louder than ten.”_

She gave him her best, “I win” look.

_“I put the pedal to the metal, needle into the red.”_

He wanted rock…

_“If the windows ain't shaking, making my heart race”_

She’d give him rock.

  
_“If I can't feel it in my chest, I'm in the wrong damn place!”_

She watched his beautiful eyes get wide as she belted out the lyrics.

_“I got a demon in my soul and a voice in my head. It's saying go, go, go! I can sleep when I'm dead. There's a sonic revelation bringing me to my knees. And there's a man down below who needs my sympathy. I got a ringing in my ears getting ready to burst…”_

Kenny dropped to her knees in front of Craig and sang the climax of the song, _"Screaming, ‘Hallelujah, Motherfucker, take me to church’”_

After that the crowd went so crazy she could barely hear herself sing. After the song was over Craig moved toward her, Kenny was ready for a kiss planted right on her. But, he wasn’t ready to give up the game.

“Gimme the mic.” His deep voice purred aggressively.

“Make me.” Kenny said, taunting the taller boy.

They stood in silence, until, out of the corner of her eye Kenny saw Bebe running to Token with a piece of paper.

Token smiled at her and punched some buttons into his computer. When he nodded at her she screamed, “Let the sexual tension be resolved!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs sang were  
> [Rihanna's S&M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLPHAzDMVT4)
> 
>  
> 
> [Hinder's Hey Ho](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrWuX6fY64I)
> 
>  
> 
> [Halestorm's I Like It Heavy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SPl-kGZ29I)


	9. Game Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny's game draws to a close........

It was silent for a moment until Token announced the song. It was Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado. Hell Fucking Yes! Kenny saw the blood run out of Craig’s face. It was barely noticeable but she knew he was about to break. This song was going to break him.

 “You know the words?” Kenny taunted.

Craig raised one eyebrow and stared back at her.

Kenny walked closer to him and said

_“Am I throwing you off?”_

Craig took a step forward, meeting her challenge saying, _“Nope.”_

Kenny smirked and winked singing, _“Didn’t think so.”_

 _Without missing a beat, Craig began, “How you doing young lady, the feelin’ that you givin’ really drives me crazy. You don’t have to play about the joke. I was at a loss of words, first time that we spoke.”_ Kenny tried her best not to listen to the words he was saying, which were making her tingly in all the right places. She hyper focused on her part coming up.

 _“If your looking for a girl that will treat you right. If your looking for her day time in the light. You might be the type if I play my cards right. I’ll find out by the end of the night.”_ SHIT! She accidentally said one of Craig’s verses. The noirette looked at her in shock and what she deemed as arousal. She smirked. This song was getting her point across very, _very_ blatantly.

 _“You expect me to just let you hit it. But will you respect me if you get it.”_ Craig said smirking a little bit as well. Oooh he was good, even though he was only singing lyrics they both knew it was more than that. The game was drawing to a close.

 _“All I can do is try give me one chance. What’s the problem? I don’t see no ring on your hand.-”_ Kenny was cut off by Craig who was officially reclaiming his original part. But what honestly threw her off was that he caressed her cheek and smirked when he spoke his part, _“I’ll be the first to admit it, I’m curious about you, you seem so innocent.”_

She stumbled out her last line still off balance from the touch to her cheek. But she wasn’t about to give up. No. Things were just getting good.

 _“Promiscuous Girl. Wherever you are. I’m all alone and it’s you that I want.”_ Craig sang.

Kenny stepped in front of him and stripper squatted down so she was looking up at him from practically in between his legs. _“Promiscuous Boy. You already know, that I’m all yours, what you waiting for?”_

 _“Promiscuous Girl. You’re teasin’ me. You know what I want. And I got what you need.”_ Craig backed up, away from her. But when Kenny stood up, she caught Craig was staring at her ass, biting his lip.

 _“Promiscuous Boy. Let’s get to the point. Cuz we're on a roll. You ready?”_ She grinned and smacked his ass playfully.

They went back and forth like this, toying at each other waiting for someone to break. Until of course it got real.

 _“Wait! I don’t mean no harm. I can see you with my t-shirt on.”_ Craig spoke along with the song, Kenny thinking of how amazing it would be to actually wear Craig’s shirt.

 _“I can see you with nothing on, feeling on me before you bring that on.”_ She ran a hand down her body, teasing him.

_“Bring that on?”_

_“You know what I mean.”_ Again, Kenny moving around trying to get Craig to break but also having fun and teasing other guys in the audience, especially Stan. But then something right out of Kenny’s wet dreams happened.

 Craig grabbed her arm possessively and sultrily growled into her ear the next lyric that was supposed to be said loud enough for everyone to hear _, “Girl I’m a freak you shouldn’t say those things.”._

fuck.

Kenny was never one to admit defeat, but there was always a first time for everything. Kenny McCormick lost at her own game. Craig Tucker had broken her, but she couldn’t have been more pleased, or willing to please at that point. Since Kenny had never lost the game, she’s never had to even toy with the idea of willing to please. If anyone could dominate Kenny in less than .09 seconds using _karaoke_ of all things, it would be Craig Motherfuckin’ Tucker. And Kenny was ready to please.

The song couldn’t end fast enough. Kenny sped through all her lines, not giving a fuck if it sounded weird. Also, not giving a fuck that she knew Craig was reveling in his victory. He smirked when she looked at him with eyes that betrayed her unbridled lust. She couldn’t keep it contained anymore, losing the game was the final straw. She needed him. She needed him, now.

The last words of the song croaked out of Kenny’s throat. Craig pulled her close and whispered in her ear, “You are such a slut for me, aren’t you?”.

Kenny whimpered at his words, biting her lip in order to stifle it.

Craig leaned away, smirking. He turned to look at all of their friends still watching them and cheering. Which is what reminded Kenny they were still in front of people. She turned to look at the people who were cheering. Most were too drunk to even know what was going on, and those people were already taking the mic out of Kenny’s hand persisting that All Star by Smash Mouth was their personal Anthem.

Kenny walked off the ‘stage’ with Craig and they walked toward the snack table.

“No.” Kenny said, her stomach flipping in excitement.

He looked at her with one eyebrow raised, as if he didn’t understand what she was saying.

“You asked me a question earlier. My answer is No.” She grinned ear to ear.

“Oh is that so?”

“Yep!”

“Wanna bet?” he purred teasingly.

“Hell yes.”

“Good, now I can show you exactly how big of a slut for me you really are.”

Kenny knew her panties were history, at this point she was lucky if she didn’t smell like ripe vagina, but she also knew that both of them liked a little teasing.

“Hmmm. No thanks.”

“No thanks?” Craig raised his eyebrow again, Kenny was slowly finding that eyebrow endearing.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna go get my kicks from Stan. He is easier than you.”

Craig laughed, “If you want good old fashioned whiskey dick then please, find Marsh and have him rock half your world before he passes out.”

“And is what you are offering any better?” She challenged.

“Well yeah, we both have a, how did you say it that one day? A common goal?” he smirked.

“Hmm.. Any other reason I should sleep with you tonight?”

“Well for starters, neither of us are going to be sleeping,” he grabbed her by the waist and looked deep into her eyes, “and who says you are just going to be with me tonight?”

Kenny’s heart stopped.

Did.

Craig.

Just.

Say.

He.

Wants.

To.

Date.

Me?

“Wait…” Kenny said

“Did you really think I was into one night stands?” Craig said, again with his eyebrow doing the thing.

“I didn’t really think you were into labels either.”

“Well..”He thought for a moment, “I’m good with labels when it is someone I’ve known for a-“

Craig was cut off by an angry Wendy Testaburger.

“Hey! Whore!” the angry girl stormed up to Kenny and Craig, “You wanna explain what’s going on?!”

“Um..” Kenny said, “Let me see here... now and this is just a guess but it looks like a jealous bitch is on a rampage that has nothing to do with me and more to do with the fact you wish Stan looked at you the way he looks at me?”

Wendy was stunned into silence.

“Now listen I was actually in the middle of something so if you wouldn’t mind…” Kenny made the ‘shoo’ motion with her hands.

Wendy stood her ground, and screamed, “YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! I HELPED YOU GET TO WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. THOSE CLOTHES WERE BOUGHT WITH MY FUNDRAISER MONEY. HOW COULD YOU BE SO UNGRATEFUL?!”

Kenny tapped her lips thoughtfully, “hmmm…. Maybe I don’t think going home with a guy I like counts as being ungrateful. Stay in your own damn lane Wendy.”

Craig cracked a smirk at that but stayed silent.

“I can’t believe you are so… so…. UGH!” Wendy stormed off in a rage and walked over to Stan who wrapped his arms around her protectively. Kenny rolled her eyes, anyone with a brain knew that was gonna happen.  She sighed to herself, poor Kyle.

“Sooooo…” Kenny turned to Craig expectantly.

“Let’s go. Now. No more interruptions.” He grabbed her hand and they walked outside. Her hand was so small in his. Kenny had to admit, she was surprised by his forwardness. No one had ever, in this history of South Park, seen Craig get close to anyone other than Clyde, Tweek, and Token. But in mere days he is hooking up with Kendra? She wasn’t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, however, it did raise some warning flags which she chose to ignore.

They walked down the street to Craig’s house, he pulled out his keys and fumbled with the lock. Kenny didn’t see him drink but he wasn’t acting too sober.

When they finally got in, he shut the door. Then faster than Kenny was expecting, he had her up against the door and was inches away from her face. She was surprised he couldn’t hear her heartbeat from where he was because it was just about to beat out of her chest.

“Hey…” Kenny whispered, her senses overwhelmed by him. His scent, his body heat, his intense gaze.

“Hey.” He said his voice music to her ears.

“Um... should we go upstairs.. orr..”

He closed the distance between them, connecting their mouths. Electricity shot through Kenny’s body, her nerves were on fire and she loved it.

She ran one hand through his short black hair and pulled him closer, opening her mouth as an invitation to deepen the kiss. She let out a moan and then he pulled back smirking, “We can do whatever we want… Family is out for the week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the song they sing! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J3vgcE5i2o)
> 
>  
> 
>    
> Also the next chapter is the smut chapter so if you don't wanna read that just skip that chapter ok?!   
> Please don't worry! This fic won't be abandoned! I'm just working on a lot of stuff at once! Love you all and thanks for you continued support of this fic <3


	10. Like a Virgin *NSFW*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY DO THE DO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so small >.<  
> Just an FYI this was posted un-Beta'd I wanted to get it to you all ASAP.

**Like A…. Virgin? *NSFW***

She smirked at the noirette, “Really? So the whole place to ourselves?”

“Yeah”

Kenny deftly pulled off Craig’s belt and tossed it aside and started unbuttoning his pants.  Craig looking at her with his sultry lapis lazuli eyes and pulled her into another kiss. This one different from the others, more chaste. He slowly peeled the black dress off her shoulder and she helped him by wriggling out of it best she could. It fell on the floor with a soft thump. Kenny threw one leg around his waist and Craig traced his hand up it, his eyes taking you in hungrily. Kenny smiled he could tell Craig was already hard by how it was pressed up against her lady parts. FUCK was Kenny ready to get fucked, and with the way Craig was looking at her she knew she was in for a hell of a night. Craig leaned in and kissed her, softly at first but then it became more and more heated, like he had suddenly lost his patience. One hand grabbed her ass and one hand grabbed her waist. All Kenny can do is try to keep up with Craig’s pace as he already began kissing down her neck, leaving marks wherever he could. 

Craig leaned back for only a second and Kenny took this opportunity to throw gas on the fire. She slowly dragged her tongue over her lips and then teasingly bit them, his eyes sparked and he grabbed her ass with both hands and carried her up the stairs to his bedroom. He threw her on the bed, Kenny never relenting with his ‘fuck-me’ eyes, making sure Craig knew exactly what she wanted him to do to her. He pulled off his shirt with one arm and began making out with her more and more intensely. Craig’s hand slowly made it’s way into Kenny’s hair and began to tighten. This was new to her but she realized she liked it and practically mewled when he yanked it back so she would expose her neck. He kissed and marked her throat as he began to slowly rock his hips back and forth, grinding on her soaked panties. Kenny reached her hand down his pants but he wasn’t about to allow that quite yet. Craig grabbed both of her wrists and held them against the bed, over her head, with one hand. The other trailed back down her body and slipped under her panties. Kenny breathed in a gasp of air, as the new sensations were almost unbelievable. She never knew just how sensitive it was down there. Kenny moaned with delight as he teased his way toward her core. He slid one finger inside of her and Kenny almost came right then and there. His thumb still played with her clit as he fucked her with his oh so talented middle finger. 

Kenny knew she was going to cum soon if he didn’t stop so she squirmed away and rolled him over on his back. She unclasped her bra and pulled down her panties as he laid there and watched. She yanked his own pants and boxers off and took him into her mouth. He wrapped his hand in her hair to keep her in rhythm. Kenny had sucked a lot of dick in her day but this was so different. Her mouth was smaller and her gag reflex more sensitive, but that wasn’t going to stop her from letting Craig face fuck her. After a good minute of giving what Kenny hoped was great head, Craig pulled her up and sat her on his massive cock. Kenny knew what he wanted. She kneeled over him and lined him up with herself, and slowly lowered herself. 

It was almost too much, Kenny screamed in both pain and pleasure, Her pussy taking Craig’s cock like it was a life raft in a flood. She finally bottomed out and Craig moaned, his head leaning back on the bed. Now was Kenny’s chance to really blow his mind. 

She picked herself up and down faster and faster, rolling her hips and body like she was literally riding a bull. 

“Fuck Ken.” Craig moaned, his fingers clenched in the sheets. She rotated her hips again and he yelled, “FUCK KEN!” 

Kenny knew she had him on the ropes now. She stopped and smirked. No words needed to be exchanged for Craig to know that she wasn’t going to let him cum. And it also took no words for Kenny to know that she didn’t have a choice. Craig pulled out of her and pushed her face first into the mattress. He lined himself up and fucked her from behind. She almost needed to brace herself on something, she was so close to cumming. She started screaming into the pillow but Craig wanted to hear everything. He pulled her hair back to lift her from the mattress and Kenny screamed louder than she thought she could. He rammed into her, over and over until Kenny managed to squeak out something intelligible. 

“Oh Craig! Baby! OH Fuck CRAIG! FUCK ME!” 

And Craig did just that, he flipped her onto her back and fucker her hard and strong. He leaned down and said, “That’s my dirty little whore.”

After that Kenny fell apart, she could feel her pussy start to tremble and her insides soaking. She knew that when she came he wasn’t gonna be far behind, so when he thrust into her hard one more time and ran his wet thumb over her clit she was done for. She began squirting all over the sheets, he replaced his dick with his hand and worked her through her orgasm, and he jacked himself off all over her tits. 

When they were both done they laid down next to each other. Craig chuckled and told her to get in the shower while he changed the sheets. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok IDK how many times I'll end up apologizing to you for how late this chapter was but I"M SO SORRY!  
> I WON'T ABANDON THIS FIC! I'll actually be updating like a crazy person for a while TBH.  
> I LOVE YOU ALL <3 <3


	11. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendra -> Kenny

**Crash.**

Kenny woke up with her head against Craig’s bare chest. Her eyes fluttered open and she squinted against the sunlight filtering in through the window. She took a deep breath, taking in the smell of his body and his sheets. She looked up at Craig sleeping peacefully, he was so sexy. Kenny shuffled and Craig started stirring. He yawned and kissed the top of her head.

“Hey…” he mumbled into her hair.

She looked up at him and giggled, “You look so cute like that…”

“Like what?” He grumbled

“All sleep deprived and hating the world.”

He grumbled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a spooning position. Kenny laughed and snuggled into him.

They slept for three more hours, wrapped in each other’s arms. When Kenny woke up next Craig was already awake, playing on his phone.

“Mmm. Whatcha doin babe?” Kenny murmured, rolling over to put her head on his chest.

“Nothing, just dicking around… You hungry?”

“You know it” Kenny said just realizing how hungry she was. She can’t remember the last meal she’d eaten.

“Cool.” He slowly pushed her off and stood up. He slid his boxers on and walked downstairs.

Kenny allowed herself to hang around in bed for a little longer but was too antsy to stay too long. She rolled out of bed and slid her panties back on and pulled on one of Craig’s Red Racer T-shirts. It was like a dress on her and smelled like him. She walked down stairs only to be greeted by the smell of eggs and bacon.  

“Smells good!” She said walking in the doorway to the kitchen. A shirtless Craig turned around with a frying pan full of bacon to look at her.

It happened so fast, Kenny couldn’t help but laugh. In less than 3 seconds, Craig looked her up and down, saw that she was wearing his Red Racer t-shirt, and he dropped the hot pan on the floor in shock.

“FUCK!” He shouted and leapt backwards in order to avoid the hot bacon grease sloshing around.

Kenny was beside herself laughing.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Laugh it up. Next time warn a guy.”

She wiped the tears of joy from her eyes and kneeled by the fallen pan and picked up a piece of hot bacon and took a small bite.

“Mmmhmm. That’s really good.”

She looked up to see Craig lunging over her to stir the eggs. He grumbled and mumbled, “Really? I try to make breakfast and I end up feeding you floor bacon and burnt eggs.”

Kenny stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, “Luckily enough for you I happen to love burnt eggs and floor bacon.”

They ate in companionable silence at Craig’s dinner table, until she broke the silence.

Then Kenny looked at the time, 2:30 pm.

Shit.

“I’ve gotta go home and check in with my mom! She is probably worried.” Kenny ran upstairs and threw on a pair of Craig’s sweats. She rolled the waistband down like she’s seen girls do and it made them less baggy and so they didn’t drag on the floor.

“Lemme drive you.” He offered pulling on a jacket over his naked torso.

“uh.. No I’m good. I’ll uh see you later.” She bolted out of the door and across the street. She was holding her heels in one hand and ran.

* * *

Kenny knew when his time was up. He always knew when he was about to die. It was a feeling, almost a premonition. Running home in Craig’s sweats, he felt the tingle. He looked up just in time to see the car swerve toward him. He knew it was futile to try to escape, fate had already choreographed the entire scenario. His neck broke the instant the car hit him, probably one of the least painful deaths he’d ever had.

Kenny has experienced hell many times before, this time was no different than the last, even his form had changed back. He was back to himself when he arrived in Satan’s domain. He looked down to see his chest boob free and he could feel the familiar weight between his legs. He peered into a pool of children’s tears, and saw his dirty blonde hair was back to its normal slightly curly self.  His face was more masculine, his jawline stronger than most people’s relationships.

He moved on from the pool to Satan’s palace, where he was wordlessly ushered in.

“KENNETH! MY BOY!” Satan boomed to Kenny.

“Hey Satan!” Kenny replied, jumping slightly at his own voice returned it’s deep and sexy self.

“How are you?! It feels like weeks since I’ve seen you here! Oh my, I only wish I could come visit you upstairs from time to time.”

Kenny chuckled loving being himself again, “Mr. 666 let me tell you something, this last week has been the craziest thing I’ve had to deal with in a while.”

“Ooh! That sounds juicy!! Give me a few minutes to wrap up some work stuff (we got a fresh bunch of vegans and I love to knock them down a peg, personally) and then I’ll put on some tea and biscuits and you can tell me all about it!”

Kenny smiled, Satan was an awesome father figure, minus being the Father of misery and destruction, of course.

Ken and Satan chatted for hours about everything, including his relationship with Craig.

“I don’t know what to do. I really like him, and I think he really liked me, but he doesn’t like Kenny, he likes Kendra.”

Satan smiled with a gleam in his eye, “I may not be all knowing but I do know that if you truly like him, and he liked you for you and not for your perky tits there shouldn’t be an issue.”

They chatted until it was time for Kenny to return to Earth.

“Goodbye my boy! And tell that Tucker kid that if he doesn’t treat you right he’ll have to deal with me, and when he is here with me he’ll have wished he was able to die!”

“Bye! I probably won’t tell him that Satan threatened him but I’ll remember that.”

The next thing Kenny knows, he is a screaming baby wrapped up in his orange parka.

* * *

 

He woke up in the morning to a huge weight being dropped on his chest. His eyes sprang awake to see that Karen had jumped on him and wrapped her hands around his neck.

“KEN! I’M SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!!! I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU. OK SO FIRST OF ALL, MY REPORT CARD WAS ALL A’S SO MY TEACHER SAID I’M GIFTED AND THAT I COULD DO ADVANCED PLACEMENT COURSES WHEN I’M IN THE HIGHSCHOOL AND….”

Karen went on and on about her last week and all the stuff he missed. She also had a few choice words about Kendra.

“You should have seen her Ken. She dressed like such a slut and was only home one night out of the week! She was probably screwing all your friends.”

“Oh really?” He said trying to hide a smirk.

“Yeah, she wore like maybe three feet of fabric total. Her entire stay.” Karen shuddered but smiled, “I’m just glad your back big brother.”

Kenny kissed the top of her head, “I’m glad to be back.”

The rest of the day passed in a blur; he stayed in his room, slept and cleaned out ‘Kendra’s’ clothes. His mom refused to throw any of it away, ‘just in case’. He smiled and hugged her, towering over her once again. He was truly glad to be back.


	12. The Moment We've All Been Waiting For Since Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny gets his Revenge

**The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For Since Chapter 5**

Monday morning came too fast. Kenny stayed in bed as long as he could but eventually he heard the telltale screams of his mother waking up the entire household.

“KENNETH MCCORMICK YUR GOING TO MISS YUR BUS. GIT YUR ASS OUTTA BED.”

He sighed, happily remembering that he didn’t have to brush his hair, do makeup, wear one of those titty hell traps called bras, or worry about his underwear riding up his ass. Basically, it is gonna be heaven.

He rolled off his mattress onto the cold hard floor. He pressed his cheek against it and squeezed his eyes shut. He did not wanna go to school and deal with bullshit, but his mom screamed again so he threw on a white t-shirt and black sweatpants and his dirty old sneakers and sauntered into the bathroom. He ran his fingers through his shaggy blonde hair and looked at himself in the mirror. His bright blue eyes looked the same as usual but he could swear they looked a little more feminine. He grinned, put in his black stud earrings, slapped some deodorant on, then walked out the door.

He walked Karen to her bus stop and then walked to his own. It was only until he saw his group of childhood friends waiting by their childhood bus stop that he remembered what Cartman did. Rage boiled in him, he remembered the incident vividly. His feeling of complete vulnerability, the sting of his hand across his face as he told him that he was going to rape her, his smug face when he saw how scared she was. Kenny’s rage boiled over, he closed the distance between Cartman and himself and punched the fat fucker right in the jaw.

“Dude! What the fuck!” Stan shouted, him and Kyle immediately jumping between them. Stan, the only one in the group who could physically restrain Kenny, looped his arms through Kenny’s and held them together behind his back. Kyle crouched down to check on Cartman.

“Jesus Keenny! What the fuck dude! What has your panties in a twist?” Cartman whined holding his jaw.

“What the shit is your problem dude? You were gone for a week then you try to break Cartman’s jaw?” Kyle said, “I mean we’ve all thought about it but…damn.”

Kenny struggled against Stan’s grip, “You guys don’t fucking get it. My cousin comes for a week and this fucker assaults her.”

It took everything in Kenny’s will power not to tell them the whole story about how he was the one Cartman assaulted.

Kenny could feel Stan’s grip loosen, “Dude what?”

“Yeah! This fucker threatened to rape her! She couldn’t defend herself, so now I get the pleasure of beating the shit out of him.”

Stan let go immediately and Kyle backed up, both of them shocked but understood Kenny needed to do this.

Cartman tried to stand up to defend himself, he started saying something along the lines of, “That’s not what happened…” Until there was a sickening crack.

Kenny’s left hook connected with the side of Cartman’s face where his hands weren’t cradling the first punch. Kenny’s fury pumped adrenalin through him, fueling his punches and kicks. With every hit, Kenny couldn’t help but thinking, “Who is weak now.” “Do you feel vulnerable?”.

Stan ended up stopping him after about five minutes of unbridled pummeling. It by no means was a fair fight, but damn it felt good.

“Enough Ken.” Stan put one hand on his shoulder and pulled him away from Cartman.  Kenny didn’t realize he was panting, his fists were black and blue, smattered in blood as he slowly backed up. Cartman’s face was beyond fucked up.

“Next time you threaten someone who can’t defend themselves you better pray to whatever god you believe in that I don’t hear about it.”, he spat at the bleeding black and blue lump of shit in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you loved that beat down scene and/or this entire fic in general.  
> Love Ya!  
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


	13. Worlds Colliding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ken goes back to school...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok my loves... I'm sorry for the long wait and the short update.   
> I needed to keep ya'll on a cliffhanger ;) 
> 
> I'm neck deep in finals right now so I really didn't have time to write this anyway but I got a ton of wonderful amazing comments and realized that THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE. I LOVE YOU ALL.  
> Also questions on fan art? Fuckin go for it! My tumblr is craigtuckerismyidol so just tag me in it!! I'm 100% willing to add art to this work if you wonderful people are willing to make it!! Thank you all so much for being amazing and supportive. As always please leave me a comment to chat with me!!! Love you all <3 <3 <3

 

Kenny walked off, still agitated, deciding a walk to school was exactly what the doctor ordered. His brain was still processing what happened, but he was glad he did it.

About 20 long minutes later, he arrived at the doors to hell, er, school. He’d rinsed his hands off in a cold stream so that he didn’t have Cartman’s blood on him when he got there, most likely a good idea. He’d finally managed to relax but even thinking about that fat fuck made him bristle. Taking a deep breath, he tousled his hair and he walked into the school. He almost automatically walked over to Wendy and Bebe but remembered last minute that he was himself again, so he went over to his locker and opened it.  He still looked over at them though and his attention was not missed.

Bebe winked and waved at him, and so did… Wendy? They began to walk over to him.

“Heey Ken.” Bebe flirted, laying it on thick as usual.

Then came the weird part, “Heey there… Ken.” Wendy said, trying to sound sultry like Bebe as she adjusted her shirt so her barely-there tits were mostly exposed.

“Um… Hey?”

Bebe looked at Wendy and rolled her eyes, “Hey what’s Kendra’s cell number. She was using yours while you were gone.”

Ken raised one eyebrow in surprise, “Um. I don’t have it. But I can send you her Facebook profile.”

Bebe looked satisfied with his answer and kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks, sexy.”

Ken winked and smiled, he’d missed their casual flirting. They both knew nothing was gonna come of it, unless they were both single and trashed, but it was still fun just to goof around like that.

“See ya, Wendy.” He waved at her casually but she stayed put and pouted at him.

“Kenneth McCormick. Why don’t you think I’m hot?” Wendy said, sounding like a 6-year-old who didn’t get what they wanted at Target, “You flirt with literally everyone at this school except me. I don’t get it!”

“Um… I….” Ken forgot all about this conversation he was supposed to mentally prepare for. He knew he was floundering but couldn’t even think of a good lie.

“Are you just afraid of strong women? Huh? You probably couldn’t handle…” She trailed off looking at something behind him.

“Hey baby, how are you?” a deep familiar voice came up from behind him and kissed him on the cheek, grabbing his free, still bruised, hand.


	14. The Kiss Of A Lifetime

Kenny turned around to see…. Craig????!

He tried his best to repress the excitement and confusion that was running rampant in his mind.

“Wendy. Bebe.” Craig says acknowledging them darkly, but Kenny could tell he was enjoying their shock.

Kenny slams his locker, grabs Craig’s hand and pulls him away from them. His own bruised hand was screaming in pain as he yanked the noirette down into a mostly unused hallway.

Craig wrenches his wrist away from Ken’s grip, inadvertently paining the bruise, and walks next to him, hands casually in his pockets.

“What the fuck was that Tucker?” Kenny said trying not to blush and expose to him everything that happened over the last week.

“What? Can’t handle a taste of your own medicine?” he teased smirking stupidly at him. Kenny had to take a moment to process what just happened. Craig was teasing him. Kenny looked down at himself to double check that he was HIM right now and hadn’t suddenly spawned into Kendra because he was pretty sure that Craig Tucker, who hadn’t actually talked to male Kenny in what seems like forever, was straight up flirting with him.

“We haven’t talked in forever and now this? Dude, what the hell?”

Craig’s small smile fell into his normal resting bitch face, “You know, I think I’m allowed.”

“Why?” Kenny said, his eyebrows stitching together in confusion, anger creeping into his voice.

Craig unzipped his hoodie and yanked his collar down to reveal dark hickeys running from behind his ear, down his jaw and neck, then disappearing beneath plain T-shirt, “You know why.”

Kenny huffed, why the fuck was he showing him what his ‘cousin’ did to him? Even though there was a spark of pride at seeing his own handiwork mar Craig’s otherwise flawless skin, he was a little irritated that he would brag to him.

“That’s sick dude. My cousin told me what you two did, you don’t need to show me-“

Craig took a step forward, even though he was only an inch taller than him Kenny felt like Craig was towering over him. The passionate silence became palpable as Kenny reflexively took a step back, promptly backing into some lockers. The noise of the metal locks on the lockers clanging against the metal of the lockers echoed in the silence.  

Craig put one strong arm confidently around Kenny’s  waist and looked at him with a mix of desire and mild irritation.  He took the blonde’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it up to look him in the eye, the lapis lazuli depths engulfing Kenny’s soul. Then, almost as if it was in slow motion, Craig kissed him passionately, pressing him into the lockers behind him. Kenny let a small gasp escape until he was kissing back just as intense. Their lips meshing perfectly, better than when Kenny was Kendra, neither of them had to crane their necks or stand on their toes. The blonde could feel a smile creep up on Craig’s face, the noirette’s arm that was around Kenny was getting tighter and the hand formerly on his face was now balled up in a fist, forearm pressed into the blue lockers. The blonde wrapped his arms around Craig’s neck to bring his mouth closer.

“Um EXCUSE ME?” an angry voice huffed out, interrupting what was most likely the closest to heaven on earth Kenny has ever experienced, and he would know.

Craig slowly pulled away, and Ken forced his eyes to peel open. The expression on Craig’s face was priceless, it was the most pissed off and genuinely annoyed he’d ever seen him. Kenny smiled goofily and lolled his head over to where he saw a pissed off Wendy Testaburger. He rolled his eyes, “Wow Wendy, I’m _soooo_ surprised to see you here.”

Craig shot him a side glance, with the side of his mouth twitching upwards. Kenny had definitely stolen that line right out of his mouth.


	15. CRAIG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you been reading this story and thinking to yourself. "You know... I wonder what was going through Craig's head while this was happening?"  
> Well...  
> Wonder no further. I gotchu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ok so I wanted to get this to you ASAP soooo that means it is un-betaed. Please be nice. I will re-update it when I get it betaed. THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME!! ONLY A COUPLE MORE CHAPTERS LEFT!!!!

**CRAIG**

            Craig always wondered why it was him. Why he was the ONE person in South Park who could remember everything. Every single one of McCormick’s deaths, every single one of the fuckin crazy ass events from Mecha Streisand to Eric Cartman killing that one kid’s parents and forcing him to _eat them_. Yeah, as far as Craig was aware, he was the only one who remembered all that bullshit.

            Even things like getting transferred to Peru and discovering he had magic that allowed him to shoot blue lightning from his eyes were forgotten by everyone but him. A few days after the Peru event, Craig had asked Stan if he had ever been to Peru. Stan rewarded him with a weird look and asked why he would ever want to go there. But the people were only half the problem. The other half was that the town would magically fix itself as well. Rampaging evil guinea pigs? Next day, not even a leaf fell from tree that hadn’t been there the day before. So not only would people think he was crazy, he would have no physical evidence that it happened, so boom… double crazy.

            But the weirdness didn’t stop there, oh no. He could also see Kenny’s ghost from time to time. But Craig never acknowledged it not even when, one day in their sophomore year of high school, Kenny chose to haunt him. And by this point, Craig just ignored it and ignored the twist in his gut when he would see Cartman or Brovfloski cry over the parka-clad boy. Nothing in this town was truly boring, not when you could see through the magic of this quiet mountain town.

             

* * *

 

Craig walked into his first class about half an hour early and tried to dodge all of the people. He didn’t feel like talking today. But Clyde caught his arm, “Craig! Craig! Ok ok, you need to settle this for us.” Craig looked between Clyde, Butters, and Token.

“What.” He deadpanned knowing he wouldn’t be able to get out of it without causing a scene.

“Ok…who has more street smarts? Me or Token?”

“Depends,” Craig said monotonously, but inside he was smiling.

`“On what?!” Clyde said exasperatedly

“Nothing! C’mon Clyde just admit it! You aren’t street smart at all!” Token jabbed at Clyde making the brunette look at Craig pleadingly.

“Sure he is street smart…” Craig said turning away. But just as Clyde turned to mock it in Token’s face Craig added, “Sesame Street Smart.”

Token and Butters burst out laughing and Clyde started whining, “Craiiigggg”

“Oh Boy Craig…you’re a hoot. When you talk that is…you know…you remind me of Kenny sometimes…But Kenny talks a lot more now than when he was a kid.” Butters rambled wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

Craig shook his head and took off his blue chullo hat and shoved it in his back pocket as he walked to his seat in the back of the room.

“C’mon Craig! Get over here and quit being anti-social.” Token encouraged.

Craig sat down and threw his feet on his desk, “I’m not anti-social. I’m selectively social and you guys didn’t make the cut this morning.”

“But we were in the middle of a conversation!” Clyde whined yet again, Craig was internally thinking about how the hell a girl like Bebe could put up with him.

“Yeah, I know. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.” Craig smiled a little to himself, that was actually pretty good.

Token laughed again, “Craig I don’t know how you come up with all these things off the cuff but I love it.”

After the conversation turned away from Craig, he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. He closed his eyes and the only thing he could think about was getting out for a smoke. His hands were a little shaky and his mouth practically watered for another cigarette. Then the bell rang and the door slammed open. In walked the horde of girls. Bebe, Wendy, Red, Heidi, Nichole, and the rest of the girls all just flowed in, chatting loudly and giggling. Hanging in the back though was a girl Craig knew, well he didn’t know _her_ but he knew _him_. Kenny McCormick was standing in front of the class with long hair, massive tits, and a great figure. He (er…she?) stood in front of the room waiting until the door slammed open once again. This time it was Garrison.

Wait, Garrison?

What the hell was Garrison doing here? Craig’s mind was blown. First female Kenny now Garrison was here? Craig let his head fall on the desk. He needed a smoke.

“Sit down children! I’m your substitute today and I know each one of you so don’t try anything.” Garrison said scanning the crowd looking pointedly at Cartman, Marsh, Brovfloski, himself, and Clyde.

Kenny shifted his (her?) weight awkwardly as he (SHE?!) spoke, “Um excuse me, I’m new here, where should I sit.”

Holy fuck Ken even sounded like a girl. What the fuck happened. He knew that Ken died last night but this…gender swap…had never happened before.

Craig was so lost in thought that he hadn’t been paying attention until he heard Garrison say his name.“…sit by Craig in the back. But first, let’s introduce you to the class. Ok, Everyone quiet down! This is our new student Kendra. Say hello class.”

One or two people grumbled a hello, Butters chirped in with a ‘Hiya!’, everyone else just ignored him.

Craig tuned out the awkward ‘tell me about yourself’ part and just looked at his desk. What the hell was Kenny McCormick doing as a chick? And a hot chick at that. Craig had had a crush on Kenny for years since middle school actually.

He knew his face just looked disinterested, it was a trait he had perfected over many years, but his mind was racing. What. The. Fuck. Then you have the even shittier thing that happened, the fuckwad that was their current teacher told her to sit by him. Why didn’t he just assign her Kenny’s desk? Craig bit the inside of his cheek in mild irritation. The last thing he needed was Kenny McCormick sitting next to him, distracting him.

Craig acted like he never paid attention or needed to take notes, but truthfully he wasn’t special, he needed to pay attention to pass like everyone else. He hated the image he put on himself which turned his friends’ image of him into this aloof sarcastic asshole who thought he was better than everyone else, he did it to keep everyone away. Why? Who the fuck knows. And who the fuck cares…

Whenever he asked this question Craig always felt a little voice in the back of his head saying “You do, you fucktard”

That’s when the little hairs on the back of his neck tingled, he looked up from his desk and saw girl Kenny staring at him.

He met her gaze for a few seconds and watched a blush creep up her cheeks.

 _Interesting,_ Craig mused internally, _I didn’t know that Kenny McCormick could even get embarrassed anymore._

“Can I help you?” he finally said out loud, his voice coming out a little meaner than usual.

“C-can I borrow a pen?” she stuttered out.

He handed over his pen, “Here, I don’t take notes anyway.” _LIE,_ the inner voice in his head screamed. They touched fingertips as the pen exchanged owners, her hands were cold and really soft. It was a weird combination.

After a couple more minutes he returned his focus on Garrison’s lecture on Film Studies, something that Craig actually found mildly interesting. After class, he slowly got his things together, forgetting about the pen until he saw her barreling toward him and slam the pen on his desk.

The next thing he knew he was wearing most of the pen ink, the black ink dripped off the tips of her fingers but most ended up on his white shirt. She looked like she was going to make a move to try and clean it up so he instinctively bit out, “It’s fine.” He did not want her touching him.

 _Yes, you do_ , he thought to himself.

            _That is why I can’t let her_ , he thought back. But when he looked up from his new panda shirt, she was gone.

He went to his next class, and by the time he had the opportunity to scrub it off it was just after the end of the school day. He went to the bathroom and scrubbed at it the best he could, but it wasn’t going to come off with just hand soap and elbow grease. While he was at the sink, in walked the 3 Fucketeers: Broflovski, Marsh, and Cartman.

“Man did you see how her ass looked in that skirt, it barely covered anything!” Cartman hollered as he used his hands to outline a woman’s body in the air, and ‘grabbing’ where the ass would be.

“Dude, yes, holy fuck man. And those Tits.” Marsh whistled his approval, “I mean out of this world, and I mean she shows them off too.”

“Guys…come on…” Kyle said obviously feeling bad for their blatant objectification.

“Fag.” Cartman laughed. “I dunno about you two but I saw her start to walk back to Kenny’s so I’m gonna walk behind her and see the show. Better get a good look now while I can, because soon whenever I’m around she will be on her back waiting for me.”

“Sick dude.” Marsh punched Cartman’s shoulder.

“What, you saw her this morning, you know she wants this dick.”

That’s when Craig snapped. He shut off the faucet and walked out of school in the direction that Kenny always walked home. Why did he feel so protective over Kenny? He didn’t want her to be Cartman’s fantasy for the fat boy’s upcoming romantic evenings with his right hand. But he had to admit to himself that it was more than that. He was…jealous? No…not that…but something. He turned a corner and saw Kenny, her skirt and hair whipping around in the wind. He turned around to see Cartman following him, about 15 feet back, waiting for a glimpse of her ass. Craig sped up, not wanting to give that creep what he was looking for.

He slowed his pace when he was only a foot or two behind her so he didn’t look stupid for running to her. He casually dropped his leather jacket over her and walked past her. Not looking back.

He tried his best to keep her out of his head as much as he could during the night, but ultimately failing. His crush on the blonde boy was starting to resurface from where he had buried it long ago. He laid on his bed thinking about all the stories he’d heard about Kenny in his life. The sexscapades, the juvenile detention worthy things, the things he did with those jackoffs he hangs around. How was this the guy he ended up falling for. NO. Wait. He has a teeny crush. There is no falling…not here…not now...not ever. 

He heard a knock on the door, “Craaaig.”

“Go away, Ruby…..”

“Ugh,” he heard her headbutt the door in frustration, “Stop calling me that.”

“What… like I’m just going to stop calling you the name you were raised with.”

She opened the door and put her hands on her hips indignantly, “My name is Tricia, Ruby was just a nickname everyone gave me.” Her preppy strawberry blonde hair was pulled up into a high pony, still reaching her waist. She was such a…. _cheerleader_.

“Yeah because you wouldn’t talk to anyone for like the first 5 years of your life to actually tell them your name. What were they supposed to do… call you the girl who ends up giving everyone the bird?”

Instinctively she flipped him off.

He gestured at her hand, “My point.”

“Fuck you, Craig.”

“Fuck you, what do you even want?”

“I need a ride to go to the movies.”

“Not from me, you don’t. I have homework.”

“Oh. Yeah. I can tell. Just _loads_ of homework. Laying on your bed doing nothing is really helping all that homework get done isn’t it.”

Craig rolled off his bed in one fluid motion and with one step was at his door, shutting it on his little sister, “Yep. Now go away.”

“Bastard.” She flipped him the middle finger one more time and left, spinning on the balls of her feet and exiting like a drama queen.

Craig rolled his eyes and slammed the door, _Why is she always such a pain._ He heard her yelling to their mom about how embarrassing it will have to be to reschedule a date with a cute boy.  He walked over to his desk and pulled out his notebook. He wasn’t actually lying about needing to do homework. He had about 50 problems to do for AP Calculus, something he’d been putting off for a long time.

The next day Craig walked to school in an apathetic haze. He was tired, staying up half the night working on homework and having his thoughts interrupted every other second because of some blonde boy didn’t help his mood. Frankly, he just wanted a cigarette and to go back to sleep. And he sure as hell didn’t want to have to sit next to Kenny and explain the jacket thing, or to have to see him at all.

He ghosted from all of his classes, opting to smoke behind the cafeteria. He’d also grabbed his stashed bottle of Captain Morgan from where he hid it in the rain gutters on the roof of the school. He needed to relax a little bit and nothing helped better than a little bit of the Cap.

He took two deep swigs and stashed it back in its hiding place. The bell rang for lunch and his pack was dwindling. He would need to make a run and buy more, he mused to himself. The back door opened, the one only the regular smokers used, and Craig expected Damien or Red to come out. But nooooo. It was Kenny. The one person he wanted to avoid. He shut his eyes and leaned back up against the wall.

He heard her footsteps come closer, “Hey.”

He opened one eye and looked at her, “Hey.”, He said back around his cigarette.

“D’ya mind?” she said gesturing to the spot next to him.

He shrugged, taking a better look at her, realizing she was holding out his jacket

“Oh, by the way. Thanks for the loan yesterday, you are my knight in shining armor.”

He could tell she was being sarcastic and so he replied, “What does that make you? A fucking damsel in distress?”

 “I dunno about damsel in distress but I can sure try to do something with that first adjective.”, she said not skipping a beat. If Craig had any doubts about this girl being Kenny she squashed them right there. This right here was why he had liked Kenny for so many years, he was one of the only people in South Park who could keep up with him in the witty sarcasm department and in the drinking department.

“Be careful. You don’t wanna start something you can’t finish.” He warned, his heart beats slowly speeding up. He knew he would have just left if she hadn’t started the banter, but now he was in it to win it.

“Don’t worry about me finishing, worry about yourself.” She ran her hands down her legs, Craig thought she was trying to seduce him or something but then she said, “D’ya have a light? I don’t have any damn pockets so I forgot to bring one.”

He smirked devilishly. What he loved so much about the game Kenny started was that it was competitive flirting, and Craig could never back down from a challenge. He wasn’t sure if it was his own idea or if the Captain had helped,  but Craig pulled her close to him and lit her cigarette off of his. He stared at her. She stared back. Her eyes were blue, but not the generic blue you saw on everyday boring people. Kenny’s eyes were like fire, and Craig knew that the hottest fires always burned blue.

When Kenny’s smoke was lit, neither one of them moved. It was almost like they were stuck. Until they heard the back door open again. Craig watched as Kenny’s eyes went from fire blue to a hard ice blue, cold and angry. She was not happy with the intrusion, and he would have to agree.

 “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU BITCH?” Cartman screamed, marching toward Kenny.

Every single instinct Craig had was telling him to stop this rampaging perverted pile of garbage before he could touch Ken. But Ken could handle himself, Craig had seen it first-hand multiple times. He sure as hell wasn’t going to leave but wasn’t going to interfere either.

Craig watched their heated conversation. Kenny tried to hit him but since he was currently a she, he lost his leverage and some muscle mass. Cartman was winning.

 Then he heard something that Craig would never be able to get out of his head, “You are going to find out real quick how good I am in bed. I love seeing the terror in your eyes.”

“That’s enough Fat Ass.” Craig said finishing his cigarette and flicking it on the ground, “Touch her again and see how long you live.”

“Fuck off, faggot.” Cartman drooled over Kenny’s new rack and assumed Craig would just leave like he would under normal circumstances. But these were not normal circumstances.

He grabbed Cartman’s shoulder and ripped him off of the wall. He stood between her and him.

“Thanks.” She said to Craig shortly, “But I can protect myself.”

Craig growled, “I know you can, but you shouldn’t have to.”

They swung a few times but neither of them connected a hit. Craig watched Cartman’s silly swings, each relying on the power of brute force to cause damage. The fat ass put too much force behind each hit, which in time would wear him out if Craig just kept avoiding him which was easy enough. But Craig was itching to fight, so he made a swift jab to the fat boy’s neck, effectively crushing his windpipe for a second. But Cartman’s last hit connected too and smashed right into Craig’s nose. Cartman was on his knees, gasping for air, Craig was standing. The winner was apparent, even though Craig could feel the warmth of the blood coming from his nose.

That’s when it hit him. What the hell was he doing? Kenny…“Kendra”… why did he care? This was bullshit. He didn’t care. This was just drama. He didn’t want to be a knight in shining armor. He wanted her to leave him alone. All day he was just trying to avoid her, then she shows up they have a ‘moment’ and then drama happens. Fuck this. Also, fuck himself. He should have intervened earlier. He turned to leave, not even looking at her.

“Craig! Craig, hold on a sec!” She said she was just a few steps behind him, then she grabbed his sleeve. He spun around on her so fast that she stumbled against the wall. Why was she calling after him, he’d almost let her get raped. How could she want to talk to him, he was just as trashy as Cartman. Ugh. He wanted to go home and he didn’t want to have to deal with this bullshit. He slammed his fist into the brick wall right next to her head. He wanted to scare her so she would leave him alone, find someone better for her. And FUCK that hurt.

“Listen,” he growled, “I hate all my classes, I hate all the people in my classes, and I hate everything about all the people in my classes, and I plan to keep it that way. Why are you trying to mess it up?” He turned around and walked away. His teeth going on edge when he heard her yell back at him

 “Craig Tucker! You can’t just say some shit like that and walk away from me. Get your ass back here.”

 “Leave me alone. I thought I made that clear.” He said harshly as he turned around. Which was his first mistake. He knew his face looked neutral, but he felt conflicted on the inside. He didn’t like this girl. This girl wasn’t Kenny. Well, it was but… AUGH!

“You did. But I’m not the type of …person who leaves things unsaid.” She stated, hesitating before the word person.

“Say what you have to say, dude.” Craig would listen but he resolved to himself that he would leave after, and not say a thing.

“I like you! My stomach gets all weird when you are around and…” Her voice was becoming more agitated, “you are being _such_ a jackass right now!”

“ _I’m_ being a jackass!? I just wanted to leave! _You_ are the one not letting me go!” Craig shouted defiantly. What the hell was Kenny’s problem?!

“YEAH! _YOU_ ARE BEING A JACKASS RIGHT NOW!” Kenny walked up to Craig and _shoved_ him, “YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE, FUCKFACE.”

Craig stumbled backward, he knew his usually stoic face had morphed into a look of disbelief and anger, “FOR FUCKING WHAT?? I DIDN’T DO JACK SHIT!”

“OH YEAH, FUCKBOY?”

“YEAH!”

“I JUST TOLD YOU I LIKE YOU AND YOU DIDN’T SAY IT BACK. IN MY BOOK THAT COUNTS AS JACKASSERY.”

“ _FIRST_ ,” Craig yelled, he could not believe the assumptions Kenny had just made, “JACKASSERY ISNT A WORD, DIP SHIT. AND SECOND COULD YOU JUST STOP BEING A NARCISSISTIC ASSHAT FOR LIKE TWO GODDAMNED SECONDS. YOU CAN’T JUST ASSUME THAT ANYONE WHO SEES YOU IS IMMEDIATELY READY TO BONE YOU OK? DON’T JUST ASSUME THAT I WANNA FUCK YOU OK?”

 “SO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING YOU DON’T WANNA FUCK ME?”

“DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT, KEN! OF COURSE, I DO.”

Then the anger melted off her face and was replaced with an innocent look as she wrapped her hands around his neck, “Really? Interesting. Well then, it seems we have a common goal. Your house? Ten o’clock?”

Every inch of Craig’s personality was on fire. She _baited_ him back into the game. She just _baited_ him into a fight to get him to say he liked her. And it was true. He did like her. And now she wanted to fuck. She was a demon. Kenny McCormick was going to be the death of him. Craig used every ounce of his strength to turn around and walk away. He couldn’t let her see the satisfaction of him almost losing this game.

He swore to himself that he would not lose.

* * *

 

Getting Tweek to agree to be his ‘date’ for the evening was easy since Tweek was the one who wanted to go in the first place.

“Dude, I don’t know.” Craig put his hands on his face. What he loved about Tweek was that Tweek was the one person in South Park who saw through Craig’s bullshit apathy. He saw it was just a front for a “little boy who was  afraid of feelings.” And Craig had to admit that it was nice that he could let his walls down around Tweek. Craig always wondered what would have happened if they weren’t forced to date as kids. Would they have dated as teens?

“I’m actually a decent actor Craig.”

“Don’t remind me. You had the entire school convinced I’m a player and a tool. And they _still_ think that.”

Tweek twitched and looked down, “You know I’m sorry.”

Craig smiled at him, “Yeah, don’t sweat dude, I’m not mad.”

“So this plan of yours is to bang Kenny’s cousin?” Tweek looked at Craig warily, “Do you think that is a good idea? Kenny will kick your ass.”

Craig laughed internally, “Nah, it’s all cool.”

“I’m also –ACK- Ignoring the obvious fact that: You. Aren’t. Straight.”

Craig laughed out loud, something he does rarely, “You got me there. Here is a secret Tweek. I’m actually doing this to get into Kenny’s pants. He said if I can get her to go home with me he would too.”

“Really?” Tweek looked shocked, “Well… -GAH- ok… if you are sure.”

“Yeah, I am. And as long as you are sure you can act the part. We are in good shape. Did you leak it to Bebe that we are going together?”

“Yeah…. Craig, are you sure she will get jealous and take the bait?”

“Yep.” Truth be told it was the only thing he was 100% sure would happen that night.

* * *

 

Craig and Tweek arrived fashionably late. All through the night, Tweek pulled off the role of cutesy boyfriend, giving Craig tips throughout the night under his breath.

“Ok. Now hold my hand.” Tweek whispers.

He took his hand, and then Craig looked around. And saw Kenny McCormick’s mouth was all over Stan fuckin Marsh. Craig clenched his fist. Tweek’s eyes flashed in alarm and he kissed Craig’s knuckles. Craig’s attention snapped back to his best friend, “What?”

“Caress my cheek,” Tweek mumbled.

“What?”

“Just do it, you baby.”

Craig brushes the back of his hand across Tweek’s face, then leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Just like old times.”

Tweek smiled softly and blushed.

Craig looked back to make sure Kenny saw that. Judging by the look on his face, he did and was not very happy about it. Craig smirked at Tweek who grinned ear to eat back.

“OH MY GOD GUYS!!! GUESS WHAT CLYDE JUST FOUND IN HIS BASEMENT!!!” Bebe screamed.

Craig looked around at everyone who looked genuinely curious as to what she found. No one was asking _why_ she was in the basement during a party. Just sayin’.

“A KARAOKE MACHINE!!!”

Oh. No.

Craig grabbed Tweek’s hand and turned around to leave, “Nope. We are leaving.”

“Craig. Stop this. You don’t have to sing, just don’t leave.”

“You don’t understand Tweekers. She has this weird control over me, this ability to twist my competitive nature against me. If I don’t leave, I’ll have to _p-participate_ …”

Tweek rolled his eyes.

They stayed.

Craig and Tweek fell back into the routine they had stuck to for years before their cover had been blown. Craig would say something and Tweek would react appropriately, and whenever Tweek talked Craig would get a glossy-eyed look of ‘Wow-I’m-so-lucky-to-be-dating-this-nerd’. Then Kenny got on stage and started singing directly (almost) to him. Some pop song that he didn’t know, but the lyrics were dirty and about kinky sex, something he could get behind. Bebe was cheering extra loud for Ken and she(he? Craig was still confused about pronouns) was dancing like a stripper. Something that Craig was amazed by is the almost nonexistent difference between how Bebe acts around Kenny and girl Kenny. Same ridiculous excitement, same vibes. Craig liked Bebe, she minded her own business and was usually genuine, no-bullshit person. Usually.

Kenny was about ½ done with his song when Tweek nudged him.

“What are you going to sing?”

“What?” Craig looked at the shorter boy.

“Well, you said she can make you participate. So you need a plan. What song are you gonna sing?”

Oh shit. He was right. She was up there being all provocative, and honestly, it was doing something for him. Something no girl had ever been able to do was to pique Craig’s interest sexually. So there had to be a response. He had to win this part. And he did know that he had way more self-control then Kenny McCormick. So there should be no issue there. What really made him frustrated was the flirting and winking done to Marsh. He knew she was only doing it to get a rise out of him, and he hated that it was working.

Then lyrics popped into his head, he whispered his idea to Tweek.

Tweek looked at him, unamused, “No. Go up there and sing something cool. Not your moody music.”

“But that’s not a-“

Tweek shook his head.

Ok, back up plan…

“What about…”Craig pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his playlists.

The crowd burst into cheers, shit she was done already? He looked up and made eye contact with her while she scanned the crowd, basking in the applause. Yep. Definitely Kenny. He looked at her unamused and saw a small look of sadness when she saw it.

Damn.

Then the words jumped from his throat, “I’m going next.”

Hearing the mutterings of people who were completely shocked that he was going up there was super funny, but what was even better was the look on their faces when he started singing. A talent which he kept hidden for most of his life.

The sexual tension kept building with the final song, _Promiscuous_. Craig was just getting frustrated, a semi pushing against his black jeans, and he could tell she was at the same point. Her face flushed and her eyes burning blue like a live wire. She broke. He won.

They just got the last lyrics out when Craig realized that he had to gloat even just a little bit. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “You are such a slut for me, aren’t you?”.

That earned him the most adorable ‘fuck-me’ eyes he had ever seen.

There was some more banter between that moment and the car but Craig just chalked it all up to foreplay and didn’t really think much about it.

By the time they actually got in the house, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.  It was when he ran his hands down her body that he realized that he was totally and wholly unprepared to have sex with a woman. He choked for a moment, but then realized that this was Kenny. He knew both sides of this, forwards and backward (probably literally too). And how different can it be from sex with a man?

The answer was very. But Craig realized that it was easy enough once he relaxed and just paid attention to Kenny McCormick riding his cock. And wow was that boy good at having lady parts.

The next morning, Craig woke up to see Kenny’s face on his chest. He kissed her head and mumbled, “Hey…”

She delivered a sarcastic line which made him laugh (internally? Externally? He wasn’t sure… it was too early).

They both fell back to sleep, but this time Craig woke up first. He grabbed his phone and checked the recent group chats. They were all about the party, with the exception of one or two about homework. Ken woke up and Craig walked downstairs to make breakfast, like a gentleman.

By the time the kitchen fiasco happened and Kenny had left running out the door, Craig was just ready to go back to sleep. As he was getting ready to do just that, he heard a crash just down the block. He grabbed a pair of sweats and ran outside.

He looked to see the bright red of Mr. Stotch’s Porsche splattered with Kenny’s blood. Craig felt ill, he heard Mr. Stotch cry out for him to call 9-1-1, which he did. He calmly told the operator what was going on and then hung up the phone.

He set a timer on his phone, 3 hours, this would all be over in 3 hours. Craig wished he could forget like everyone else. But he would now have that gruesome vision of Kenny’s mangled female body decorating the front of a red Porsche in his head for the rest of his life.

Awesome.

The three hours took forever but Craig’s alarm did actually go off, and Craig felt like he could finally breathe. He looked outside where the crash had happened. The yellow caution tape, the small tea candles that had been left in memory, any and all traces that there had been an accident there at all were completely gone. Even the tree branch that had been broken had magically repaired itself. Craig went back to his Calculus homework. Just another day in South Park.


	16. Ken Never Kendra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Class time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda a filler chapter, I hope you all like it. It is kinda short but has a lot of listening! All the songs will be linked at the end of the chapter!   
> Love ya all!!!

 “What can I do for you Wendy?” Kenny bit out sarcastically.

“What can you- Oh my god, do you even see what he is doing to you?” She said almost like she pitied him. Then she rounded on Craig, “AND YOU! YOU NO GOOD DIRTY SCUMBAG. DOES KENNY KNOW WHAT YOU AND KENDRA DID WHILE HE HAS GONE? HMM? TELL HIM CRAIG!”

Kenny looked over and saw an amused smile dance across the noirette’s face. Kenny was about to step in and say something but looks like he was saved by the bell.

_DIIINNNGG_

“Oh, man, as riveting as this conversation was, we should really get to class. Bye Wendy!” Kenny said, shuffling both himself and Craig toward their first class.

Craig turned around and gave Wendy the bird which, and Kenny could hear, was the final straw. Wendy screamed and stomped away.

Kenny and Craig walked into the class and took their respective seats, Kenny by his usual friends and Craig in the back of the room.

“Ok children settle down. Now that we have finished the basics of storytelling via film, we are going to discuss scoring. Does anyone know what scoring is?”, Garrison started looking around the room, waiting for someone to raise their hand.

Butters raised his hand high in the air, but Garrison overlooked him, per usual.

“Scoring is adding music to a film of some sort to make the viewer feel something. So to grasp the basic understanding of this concept we are going to do a little project. An assigned partner project. Ok here are your partners. Go sit together and await further instruction. Stan and Red, Cartman and Wendy, Clyde and Jimmy, Kyle and Token, Tweek and Heidi, Craig and Bebe, Kenny and Butters…”

When Garrison was finished they all scrambled to get with their partners. Kenny waived down Butters.

“YO Butters what’s a crackalackin’?” Kenny said with a big grin on his face. He liked Butters. Butters was a good person, inside and out, one of the only people in South Park not jaded for some reason or another.

“Hiya Ken!” Butters waived back as he made his way over to Kenny.

Once the room was settled Garrison continued, “Ok. Now look at your partner. What song would you use to describe them. What ‘vibes’ do they give off. Use what you know about each other and pick a song that describes them. Be sure to listen to the songs words and the song’s tone. I wouldn’t pick a song for Token that sounded great but the words were about the KKK would I? No.. the answer is no.. so uh yes, the song and a 1-2 page paper about why you chose the song is due Wednesday, but today is the only day we will work on this in class. Ok! Get started.”

Kenny looked at Butters. Song ideas were just jumping at Kenny’s mind. Weightless by All Time Low. Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Beningfeild. He could keep going, but he didn’t wanna forget so he grabbed a piece of paper and started writing them all down.

* * *

 

This assignment was dumb. He looked at Bebe with his usual neutral face. Bebe stared back.

“Ok I’m going to just clear the air here.” Bebe said popping both her feet up onto a nearby desk, “I honestly don’t care about what happened this weekend because I think there is more to it than I know.”, Her eyes darted over to Kenny then back at Craig, “BUT I do know Ken. And I know he would never go out with a guy who was a cheater or a ‘playa’. But I warn you now Craig. Kenny McCormick is a good friend of mine. Don’t make me regret this.”

“Regret what?” Craig asked before Bebe was leaning over, looking around him to where Ken was sitting.

“YO Ken! Wanna switch partners? I think mine is broken.” Bebe yelled across the room.

Craig looked at Bebe warily.

She scribbled something down on a piece of paper, “Here.”

“What is this?”

“The assignment dummy.” She popped her bubble gum in his direction.

Craig opened the paper up to see the words, “Wildest Dream by T.Swift” written hastily.

“Why?” He asked.

“You need to know what the girls here think about you. Give it a listen.”

Butters walked over cautiously, “Bebe you want me to be your partner?”

“My god Butters! I would like nothing more.” Then directed at Craig, “Get out of here, Hot Topic.”

* * *

 

Kenny sat and waited for Craig to come over to him. His mind racing, the only songs he was coming up with for Craig was Promiscuous, the song they had sang together at the party. And that would not work.

Craig walked around him and sat down where Butters had been seconds earlier.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hey” Ken said back.

…

The awkwardness was palpable.

They both started talking at the same time.

“So about these songs…”

“The sex was fantastic…”

They both stopped, Kenny, turning red. Why was that was he chose to say. He could have literally said anything else.

Craig looked down at the desk and smiled. A genuine smile, not a smirk, not a hint of sarcasm. That’s when Kenny vowed to make that smile happen as many times as he could, even if it meant making an ass of himself. That smile was worth it.

“You are one of a kind, McCormick.”

“Right back at you. Now I have to say I’m dying to know how you, you know, know. BUT. We will have to save that convo for later. I’m having problems figuring out what song I should assign you. All I can think of is the song we sang together. Oh and the song you sang to me.”

“Wanna know a secret?” Craig whispered

Kenny leaned in conspiratorially, “yeah.”

“That song wasn’t my first choice. I had a much better song I wanted to sing but Tweek vetoed it last minute.

The mention of Tweek’s name made Kenny bristle. He had nothing against the small nervous guy but now all he sees was a rival. Craig was his.

“What song was it?” Kenny asked shaking away his irrational territorial thoughts.

“ ‘Don’t Trust Me’ by 3OH!3”

Kenny laughed.

Craig defended himself by pulling out his Ipod, “No no no don’t laugh until you hear it again. The context would have been perfect. You were throwing yourself all over Marsh and I don’t know. It was almost perfect.”

Kenny popped one earbud in as Craig played the song.

_Black dress with the tights underneath  
I've got the breath of a last cigarette on my teeth  
And she's an actress but she ain't got no need  
She's got money from her parents in a trust fund back east_ _  
__Tongues always pressed to your cheeks_ _  
__While my tongue is on the inside of some other girl's teeth_ _  
__You tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef_  
That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him

Kenny laughed, Craig was right, that song would have been better. Minus the fact that Kenny was about as dirt poor as you could get.

“Trust fund back east?” Kenny said his eyes starting to water.

“Ok, everything but that.”

“No you are right, literally that would have been perfect.”

Craig smiled at the ground again, “It is weird. Like you are the same person, but it was also so different.”

“Oh come on, You couldn’t have known. I was,” Kenny motioned with his hands, “slick.”

“Think about it.” Craig said that wonderful smile slowly dimming.

“You didn’t come up to me and say, ‘Ken! I can tell! Let’s Fuck!”

Craig got red and facepalmed. Now that Kenny thought about it, there wasn’t one time that Craig ever called him Kendra. Not once. It was always-

“Oh my god. You always called me Ken. Never Kendra.” Kenny just blew his own mind. Holy shit. How could he have not known that Craig knew? Craig literally not once called him Kendra. Not even in bed. It was always Ken.

“You boys start anything yet?” Garrison said walking up to them, “Bebe told me she couldn’t work with Craig because the smell of cigarettes hurt her nose. Try to stick to one pack a day Tucker.”

“Yessir.” Craig said.

“Ok, now get to work.” Garrison left to go pick on Clyde and Jimmy.

“OK. Craig songs Craig songs Craig songs Craig songs.” Kenny muttered. He was drawing a blank. He had come up with like 12 for Butters. What the hell…

He looked at Craig, the man’s raven hair almost had a tint of blue in the sunlight, he was bent over his phone scrolling through his playlists.

“Ok here is one for ya.” Craig said, “ 2 Sides of Me by Hinder.”

“Wow. You really like Hinder.” Kenny said.

“Yeah, I do. They are a good band. Are you going to listen?” Kenny just processed that Craig was offering him an earbud again.

Kenny nodded and listened.

The song was actually really good and reminded Kenny of himself. Just enough playboy, just enough charmer, just enough badass. He loved it. But he still couldn’t think of anything for Craig.

He felt kinda bad.

By the time the bell rang to go to his next class, Kenny was still at a loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in the Chapter 
> 
> [Weightless - All Time Low](https://youtu.be/qsP_Yz4KILg)
> 
> [Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfeild](https://youtu.be/0btXhLdAuAc)
> 
> [Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift](https://youtu.be/Zp5GiGsgb-g)
> 
> [Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3](https://youtu.be/GSjlxbxAymM)
> 
> And the Kenny Song:
> 
> [2 Sides of Me - Hinder](https://youtu.be/0b8tkg7NOeo)


End file.
